callmeblake

The sliver of a silver moon reflected in the lake and they kissed, the wind teasing her hair and…"
Partien slammed the book shut.
Why the hell did all the books from earth talk about lakes and trees and wind being a nice thing? She wish she could see a lake! They had the reservoir for the community farm, but it wasn't the same, and because of the windstorm n the planet, in was more like an the indoor pools she'd read about. The wind here was a whipping wind, blowing the sand so hard at times you had better be inside or under a cover or you’ll have little cuts from the sand all over your skin.
Whomever decided this was a habitable planet didn’t have the same views on habitable that she did!
“Partien!” her mother was calling. ”Time to help with potato harvest!” She said it in a sing song voice, the same sing song voice she always had when it was time to help with things. She always seemed happy about it too. Ever since Partien could remember they’d always “helped” with something. Mother said they had a choice, but then would lay the guilt on “ It’s everyone’s responsibility to help with the community, to build it to keep it going. If we help with this and then someone else helps with something else, we all get what we need.”
The way it worked was the ones who went an helped got a larger share of whatever the harvest was, because everyone got a share.
She also said that’s why earth’s economy had collapsed, because no one shared.
So, Partien found some jeans and gloves (she hated dirt under her nails), and begrudgingly went to go dig potatoes.

There were other “regulars”, the Crisps, The Gooreys, Mr. Schneider…they knew practically everyone. It was still early morning, and the first sun had yet to rise. WHY did they have to come out so early anyway, it was COLD. She went over to the fire to warm her hands before being given a row to work.
Astrex came up beside her, and put his hands out to warm them as well.
“What are you doing out here?” Partien asked. Astrex was more of an indoor kid, his mind was always going, and he never could stay on one task for very long.
He turned to her and in an excited voice said “I want to see how they turned out, see how the new water machine is working!”.
“You could have just seen them when we brought them back?”
“Yes, I suppose, but people say you have more of an idea of how to improve something if you actually experience it. I want to now how it feels to harvest something to help with the revamp of the layout. So, I’ll be here a lot this year.”
Why the sudden interest in the farm? Because the elders finally trusted him to DO something about it? He’d been trying to get them to change it for three years. His “party” was next month. He’d be 15. On this planet that was an adult. She didn’t know why it was called a party though, it was a test. The girls could do the test, but the boys HAD to.
She asked him ”How did you get Elder Parry to let you change the water system anyway?”
“I didn’t. It stopped working and they asked me to fix it. The old one was so strangely constructed, it was wasting half it’s energy running itself!”
“But why ask you and not one of the adults?”
“Parry had been over to see my father, and saw my drawings on the table. He asked what the large water tower in the center was for and I told him. He agreed it made much more sense to have it in the middle than in the corner, and let me explain the whole system to him!”
This whole time Astrex had become increasingly excited, his voice changing pitch and his hands gesturing wildly. Partien smiled and said
“Well, you certainly must have impressed him.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to have to deal with all the politics, even though they preach share and share alike, there is still a hierarchy you can’t ignore.”
A loud whistle interrupted their conversation, and then Mr. Hugely asked everyone to get in line or their row numbers and to be written down to ensure their share.
Because they were still considered children, Partien and Astrex got put on the same row.
“Oh great“. thought Partien “I hope he actually digs potatoes and doesn’t just talk”. Though she loved to hear him talk. Astrex’s family was from London, so he had a very sweet accent.
The planet had a lot of different people from all over, Tanalp was from Scottland, Ateesha from Oklahoma, and so many others.
She grabbed her bushel bins and headed down the row. Astrex trailed behind her “So, do we have to carry these all the way back full?” he asked, a note of incredulity in his voice.
“Oh no, that would be hard on backs and a time waster. The truck comes around and picks them up later.”
“What about more bushel bins?”
“I think Archa is on bushel bin duty” “Arsha?”
“Yes , the Stubbins’s youngest. I think he’s five? He can’t really be expected to dig and actually get anything done. So they give the little ones other infrequent jobs.”
Partien began to dig and after three or four potatoes noticed Astrex was just watching. Trying to be nice and not yell she said tersely ”You are supposed to dig. If you don’t want to actually work, go sign out and go home.”
Astrex frowned “No, I do, I just…don’t know how.”
Now Partien felt bad; of course he didn’t!, and he was to shy to ask a GIRL how to dig potatoes.
“Come down here, I’ll show you.”
They squatted low to the ground and after the first potato Astrex wasn’t so sure about this, by the fifth one he said ”I wish I’d thought to wear gloves like you are, the dirt is all under my fingernails, and it’s annoying.”
“You’re doing it alright, they can be stubborn.”
A silence overcame them then, both working , both thinking.
An hour or so passed and Ictha came by with water.
“Thank you Ictha.” Said Partien and she drank and smiled.
Astrex wondered what she was smiling about until he drank too. It wasn’t regular water. It was Ginger water! You could drink as much as you wanted and not get a stomach ache.
“Who told you to bring us Ginger water!?” Astrex practically shouted.
Ictha, taken aback by the outburst said after a pause ”Mr. Hugely said this was your first harvest, all first harvest workers get Ginger water.”
“Tell him thank you.” but Astrex’s tone was indignant.
After Ictha was out of earshot Partien asked “Why did that make you angry? Ginger water is a treat!”
“But it says they think I don’t know how to drink water!”
“No, I know it can seem that way, but really , it was a kind gesture. Honest.”
“Astrex was not convinced, but conceded with “If you say so.”
The first sun was up now and they were almost to their third bushel bins.
“You pick up things quickly. You have filled almost as many bushel bins as I have!” said Partien.
“I have a good teacher.” he said and smiled a large smile.
A small voice came from behind them “Need more bushel bins yet?”
Astrex jumped up excitedly and said “Why yes, perfect timing!”
Archa beamed with pride, he had been late on the last two rows.
After Archa dropped off the bushel bins, Partien turned to Astrex.
“You knew he needed that, you are so perceptive.”
“Every one needs strokes.” he said matter-of-factly.
The heard a Scree calling in the air above them and both looked up.
“Such a pretty bird, hard to tame though.” Astrex said watching it circle.
“You…you caught one?”
“Yeah, have it out back - noisy too. They have razor sharp beaks and three different colours in their wings, fascinating really.”
“They look just plain old purple.”
“The tips of the feathers are, then under is indigo, and beneath that, amaranth - right against the skin. There are so many animals on this planet, and no-one has taken the time to actually study them!”
“Well, I think it’s because they spend so much time just trying to survive, the colony is only 25 years old you know.”
“Yes, and in that 25 years, I wonder how many really think it’s better than it was on earth?”
“My mother does, she says everything was horrible there, everyone fighting, no one had anything, everything was polluted.”
“Do you think she exaggerates at all?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
Before Astrex could answer the Second Sun siren rang.
They got up and headed to the SS bunker.
On the way, Astrex said.
“How true do you think the second sun burning is?”
How did Partien answer that? She’d seen it.
“Yes, I know it is. My friend Ralph and I missed the siren one day, when I was about five. His burns are still nasty scars.
Is everything a conspiracy with you?”
“No, not everything…”
“Did, did you get burned?”
“No, he lied on top of me.”
The bunker had been set up with favours for a party. Partien had seen it, they did it every year. But Astrex had not.
“Oh wow, why all the decorations?”
“We’ll be in here for three hours, have to do something.”
“Is there food?”
Partien laughed “Hah, hungry already? It’s barely Ten O’clock!”
“That’s IT?”
“Yep, but there are snacks, and there will be a lunch later.”
“is there a place to wash?”
“Oh yes, over here.”
Partien led him to the sinks as the people filed into the bunker.
Tanalp went over to the corner and started playing Beatles covers on his guitar. The little ones loved it.
He called Partien over in his Scottish accent.
“Help me on this one would you?”
Partien didn’t sing, and she certainly didn’t sing in front of people, what was he doing!?
Tanalp started playing ’Yesterday’ and Partien hesitantly began singing. Astrex watched then, Tanny ( his nickname for Tanalp) always had such a soothing way with his guitar.
When they were done Tanalp said “That was lovely, you should sing more.”
Kaleb said” Yes, that was nice.” and Partien blushed.
Tanalp smiled down at Kaleb “Your turn.”
Kaleb didn’t have the same inhibitions when it came to singing, he belted out whatever you gave him.
Astrex asked while Kaleb and Tenalp were deciding on a song ”Does Tanny fancy you?”
“Not that I know of”. For one thing he was three years their senior. For another, he’d barely said “Hi” to her until that very moment. And who told him she could sing, anyway?
“You call him Tanny?”
“Yeah, been friends since I was little, couldn’t say his name ,“ he smiled “it stuck.”
Tenalp announced “This is an old one, but it’s a good one.” and he and Kaleb launched into a Scottish folk song, a lilting melody with pleasant pauses. Kaleb even managed to not overdrive the song and sang enchantingly.
Tenalp complimented him “You have good control, all I’d heard you do were loud screaming things before now.”
“Thanks.”
Astrex told Partien “That was nice, Tanny doesn’t compliment unless he really means it.”
This made Partien blush again from the compliment she’d received earlier.
They continued to sing, Tenalp picking different people to sing. Partien wondered if he’d been asked to, because she’d never seen him do it before. Come to think of it, she’d never seen him at potato harvest before. At first she’d attributed that to him being put with the adults, but then as she thought about it, she at least said ‘hello’ to half the adults on the way in or out of the fields.
Astrex interrupted her thoughts.
“I didn’t see him out in the potatoes with us?”
“Neither did I.”
“Does he usually help with harvest?”
“I was just thinking about that. I have seen him at fruit trees before, but never potatoes. It is strange.”
Just then lunch was announced. On the way to the line Astrex also noted:
”He didn’t have any dirt under his fingernails.”
“Maybe he washed?’
“I washed and I still have a lot.“ He held up his hands to show her.
“Why are you looking at his hands anyway?”
“To see the chord shapes. I play too, but not as well.”
“That’s cool.”

Lunch was cabbage soup and rolls. Astrex wondered aloud “Will this give me gas?”
Partien laughed ”Probably. Doesn’t your mother feed you cabbage?”
“She doesn’t like it.”
“Oh, well good for you for trying new things then.”

After lunch it was what the Elders called “downtime”. Everyone was encouraged to meditate, or a least do some kind of relaxation exercise before going back out.
“Sound body = Sound mind.”
They said it helped with the harvest. Helped with lasting all day, etc. There was a guided one in the corner, or you could just do it on your own on the other side of the bunker, they moved to the other side.
Astrex liked that idea.
Tenalp came by them then “Right up your alley, isn’t it ‘trex?”
Astrex smiled. “Yours too.”
“Yeah” he sat behind him and pulled him in close for a friendly hug. “You look tense.”
“All this is almost over stimulating”
Tenalp nonchalantly began to rub ‘trex’s shoulders.
“Good thing they have this part then.”
He turned to Partien.
“You live over on the west side of the colony, right?”
Finally he notices me, she thought , and answered
“Yes, my parents are the Robbie and Millie Strand.”
“Right, OK, the ones who run Scram tower four?”
“Yes.”
“So you have no choice coming to these then, do you.”
“They say I do, but you know that isn’t true.”
Astrex piped up ”Now who’s on conspiracy theory?”
They all laughed and the small amount of tension she’d felt with them evaporated.
Tenalp moved over to her shoulders, at the same time asking “May I?”
“Yes.”
No-one had ever rubbed her shoulders before (that she remembered) it was nice, and she was afraid it would put her to sleep. She closed her eyes anyway.
When tenalp finished and she opened them, Astrex was so deeply into his meditative state, she hated to disturb him. But the clock said the second sun would got behind the first in minutes, and they couldn’t waste the best light of the day!
What was the least disruptive way to begin him around she wondered? She’d forgotten to ask, maybe they should have stayed with the guided one. Everyone was different. Mom had to actually be touched, and dad had to be yelled at. Sissy had to be gently coaxed, with touches. She’d try that.
Though it was strange, almost a feeling of violation touching Astrex, they’d never really said more than “Hi” to one another before today.
Tenalp saw her hesitation and said “Here” as he started “petting” Astrex’s long blonde locks. After a few minutes of this Astrex smiled and said “O.K., I’m back now.”
Tenalp said ”Ok, good, I have to go. Have fun digging potatoes!” and he headed toward the back door, as the line for the front was a huge group waiting for the O.K. to go back out.
Astrex turned to Partien “Don’t tell everyone about that, OK?”
She smiles “Secret?’
“Secret? Not really just, not something everyone need to know, you know?”
“Yeah, sure.”

Back out on the field the Second Sun ( which really wasn’t a sun) now safely behind planet Garlay 23. They could work more comfortably, no longer as cold, or as windy as the morning, it was Partien’s favourite part of the day.

Astrex had been quite obviously thinking. He hadn’t said a word all the way back to their row.
After digging his first few potatoes he finally said with a exasperation:
”Wouldn’t it be easier to dig these out if the ground was wet first?”
“Maybe, but we don’t have the water to waste on that, you know that.”
“Not if my water maker works.”
“A water maker?”
“Well, not really, it gathers the water in the air. There is dew in the morning on this planet, especially on these crops. Though it is a very small amount. I believe at one time, this planet used to have a lot more water and got hit by an asteroid at some time. I’m still working on it.”
Partien wondered aloud “Oh great, so what makes them so sure it won’t get hit again?”
“It’s only my theory, if they’d noticed, they’d never tell us.”
“You don’t belong here, do you.”
“How does one belong anywhere? You take what you get and make the best of it. You think that if I had grown up on Earth instead of here, I’d have the freedom I do…to do these things. No. I wouldn’t. “
“Freedom, interesting word choice.”
“Ok, so maybe we can’t leave the city at night, but that’s not the freedom I mean. Freedom of your mind, to think, to feel, to DO.”
“I wish my parents let me do what yours do, I mean they aren’t Hitlers about it, but I do have certain limitations which are frustrating.”
“For example, a water tower design, on the kitchen table, and catching a wild bird…two things I would never be allowed to do. The design would be “wasteful“ and the bird would “eat our food“.”
“You should come over sometime.”
“Why? I mean, why now? We’ve been in school together since I can remember, why invite me over now?”
“I didn’t know you were so interesting until today. You hardly talk in school. My interpersonal skills are a bit lacking, you know. I think we could learn a lot from each other.”
“When you don’t talk, and aren’t noticed, you can’t get blamed for things.”
“I take it that happens a lot at your house, getting blamed?”
“My parents blame me for Sky’s death, that will never go away.”
“Sky?”
Shit, she shouldn’t have said that. Oh well.
“Sky. Sky is the reason we have Scram towers.”
“Oh?”

“When we were about eight we didn’t believe the adults were serious about the Scrams, we thought it was a story. A large pack like wolfish animal with glow-in-the-dark eyes, snake like fangs, that eat you while you are still alive and paralyzed! Surely made up!
Sky and I snuck under the fence one night, we wanted to see the “Forbidden Pond”. Turns out all that is is a tarpit. We were very disappointed. On the way back we heard deep throaty howls, and they were real. Up to that point we had thought they were tapes the Elders played. We knew then, Scrams were real. We started running, me in front, Sky behind. I turned back several times, each time the scram was gaining on us, his green fluorescent shining eyes in the dark, and mean.
The fence got closer, and I went to duck back under the hole we’d made, I got in and heard Sky scream excruciatingly loudly and painfully, nothing like I’d ever heard before or since. He wasn’t as fast as I was. The Scram had caught him. I should have run for help, but I was transfixed. I watch the Scram go through his ritual , after it bit Sky it walked around him slowly, waiting for the venom it injected to kick in. Sky’s scream faded and he became paralyzed form the Scram’s venom.
After the Scram was sure the venom had sufficiently paralyzed Sky, the Scram called it’s Mate, she came and they began feasting on him, his extremities first. I could hear the bones crunch in their mouths as they masticated their bites. With tears in my eyes I ran as fast as I could and got my parents. By the time we got there the only thing left of Sky were his clothes.
Sky’s Parent’s tried to sue mine, blamed them for not watching me enough. So now Scram towers are there to ensure no one sneaks under the gate again because their parents don’t watch them “enough”.
Astrex had listened patiently to all this, nodding at appropriate times, when he was sure she was done he said:
“You were EIGHT. There is no way that is your fault. If anything it’s the Elders fault for not showing us what Scrams could do. And on that point, why didn’t they tell anyone afterward? I never heard of Sky, you’d think they’d make it an example!”
“His parents didn’t want to admit their son was that stupid I guess? They left. The other kids ere just told they couldn’t handle it here and moved back to Earth when they asked.”
“So, why don’t you tell everyone about it?”
“Pointless really. You have heard of “The Billy Goat Test”?
“Yes, they took a live Billy goat and left it out there after dark and video taped it to show the parents. I have to watch it for part of my test.”
“I don’t envy you that, at all.”

They worked in comparative silence the rest of the day. Astrex occasionally asking questions about how the harvest went, but nothing else of a personal nature. Maybe she’d scared him?
Partien had never shared that story with anyone before. She hoped it stayed with him only. Why did she tell him that anyway, a practical stranger. Sure they went to school together, but here was something about him that just made it seem like it was O.K. to share things with him. She liked that. It was nice to tell someone about it, when she was young she talked to a toy she’d named Sky for awhile, it helped ease the hole in her heart then, and maybe some of the guilt.
At the end of the day, when the sun was low in the horizon Astrex asked ”How many days do you dig potatoes?”
“It depends on the weather, how many people some out. It can last from two weeks to a month or more.”
“See you tomorrow then?”
“Yes, I’ll be here.”

*****

Astrex came in from harvest. He flest so dirty, like the dirt had crawled inside him. The first thing he did was shower. In the shower he thought about the day.
Why had he never talked to her before? She was really interesting, and she didn’t do what half the other kids did and call him weird or strange for his ideas. ]
He could really use some more understanding friends, the ones he had were nice, but they still didn’t get him half the time, except for Tanny. Tanny was his one kindred spirit in the world.
Could you have more than one friend that close? The story about Sky was a very personal story, he’d felt privileged to have had her share it with him.
As he was coming out of the shower Tanny showed up at the door.
“Hey, playing St. Renalds, bring the Uke down and play with me!”
“I don’t know, I’m really tired.”
“Aw, come on dude, you can play - everyone needs to know it!”
“ I know I can play. I just don’t know how they’ll react to my somewhat anti-social lyrics.”
“Only only way to find out!”


Tanny pushed him toward the bedroom and started grabbing clothes for him. “This shirt is cool” he held up a teal shirt with the saying ‘Only tell them what they want to know’ in purple lettering on it.
“Did you make it?”
“Yeah.”
Tanny threw it to him, and looked around for pants, “Where are your trousers?”
“Here.” Astrex said was standing in front of his bureau opening the drawer.
Tanny looked and picked out some tight white jeans.
“You’ll look good in these”
“Why are you so worried about the way I dress all of the sudden?” Astrex asked, pulling on boxers.
“I’m not trying to be insulting, I just want you to look good up there with me!”
Astrex looked at Tanny while smoothing his fringe out of his eyes (a constant habit of his) and smiled.
“Oh, alright, but singing about dead cats and genetics…I think I’d better be second.”
Tanny said with sarcasm “You could always sing about Scrams.” and poked him playfully in his side.
Tanny got serious “So, that Partien girl you were working with today, she seems nice..”
“Yes, she is.”
“Making a new friend?”
“I invited her over.”
“Really? When?”
“I used ‘sometime‘.”
“Oh, dude, you’d better follow that up with a set date and time or she won’t think you’re serious.
“In fact, lets call her and invite her to the gig!”
“I’m not sure she’d be into that.”
“Can’t know until you ask, call her!”
“I didn’t get her number.”
“Seriously? Her parents are in the book surely.”
Tanny went to look for the phone book as Astrex continued dressing.
He thought: Would she like it? He knew she liked Tanny’s singing, but would she like his? If she did come, how would she react to a song about Scrams? After what she’s told him?
Tanny came back into the room.
“I called and invited her through her parents, we have to have her home before Scram curfew at ten.”
“Ten! It’s 7 now!”
She’s still considered a child, and actually so are you, you are supposed to be in a ten too.
“My parents haven’t followed that rule since I was eleven.”
“I know.”
They continued getting ready.

Partien’s parents would drop her off on the way to the harvesters meeting. Partien was glad to get out of it. They were so boring. Talk about yields and percentages. She could follow it fine, she just had no interest.
She wondered why Tanalp had invited her, he’d never shown any interest before, and he’d mentioned that someone else would be there that she knew, but wouldn’t say who. It was a little disconcerting.

Her mother gave all the old admonishments “Be kind to others, say please and thank you, be aware of your surroundings, don’t take your eyes off your drink“…wait that one was new
“What, don’t take my eyes off my drink?”
“Yes, you are getting to be a very pretty young lady, and you know nothing about this place. There was a story in the Gazzette just recently about a girl’s drink getting laced”
“Mom, it isn’t a bar. Is it?”
“We don’t have bars here, we have drinking establishments, and yes I think it is.”
“I can’t believe you are letting me go.”
“Mr. Lampiston promised he would keep an eye on you. You are getting to the age when you have to make decisions for yourself.”
Wow. Partien thought. He must have said something else. Normally mother acted like didn’t think she could tie her own shoes, much less go out alone. She’d have to ask him.
St. Renalds was noisy, and at first Partien didn’t see Tanalp anywhere, then she caught site of him bringing equipment onto the stage.
He caught sight of her and motioned her over. “Go keep Astrex company, he’s nervous.”
So that’s the other person she knew! Ha ha.
She walked overt to him “So, you’re playing too I gather?”
“Yeah, there are more people here than I thought there would be.”
“I’m sure it will be fine”
She tired to say it with conviction, truth was the largest crowd she’s done anything in front of had been the little theatre they had, which seated 136. There were far more than that here. She also had no idea if he really could play.
Just then the announcer announced that Tanalp was ready. Everyone clapped and he took the stage. He played a rocky set, several originals and covers.
After the last cover he announced “I have a friend who came with me tonight, I’d like you to give him a warm welcome - everyone, Astrex!” everyone clapped.
Astrex stood rooted to the spot, Partien had to pinch him to get him to move.
Once up there though, he became extremely animated, he started with an ironic joke and then introduced a song about a dead cat.
A dead cat? The audience was a little confused at first, but about halfway through they started smiling, some even laughing. This was a good reaction and encouraging for Astrex. He then played a song about genetics, which got a decent amount of clapping. Then he and Tanalp sang a song about synesthesia, called Indigo. It was lovely. Everyone liked that.
They left the stage and the manager asked the audience if they should come back, there was a very positive reaction.
As they were taking everything apart people milled by and asked questions, people complimented the both. Partien sat and watched. It was nice to see.
The walk home was a quiet one, all in their own thoughts. All exhausted.
At her door Tanalp said “Glad you could come.”
And Astrex said “See you tomorrow at harvest”.
Partien said ”It was a great night, thanks for inviting me.” and walked into her house.
She didn’t even stop to tell her mother goodnight, or read, or even check on her sister (all things that were partially ritualistic for her) she just collapsed into bed. Tomorrow was going to be long.

After the door shut, Tanalp and Astrex continued walking.
Astrex said “Should I have tried to kiss her?”
“Not with me there. Did you want to?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d rather…”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
Tanalp shrugged. “Ok, you’ll tell me when you’re ready, you always do.”

Not this time, thought Astrex. Because really, who has thoughts of cutting someone to see what’s underneath? No-one.
Besides that, he’d rather kiss Harrison or maybe Shandy but no-one knew that either.
The thoughts together turned his stomach.
He stopped and lost his cabbage soup.
“Dude, you O.K.?”
“I guess I don’t like cabbage either.” was all he said.

*****

So, I made a new community on here.

http://community.livejournal.com/fkyeahtommilsom/446.html

If you like the Battles, you'll like this - I guarantee it (hat tip to @hexachordal)

Over on blip for a bit.

He went onto the internet. He told the chat that Adam was getting violent (skipping the details) and they all told her to leave him. Kick him out, get the cops involved. She couldn’t do any of that. If he did Adam would surely turn him in, she was stuck.

It was a long, long night. Robert woke up from three nightmares. Screaming. Each time Chris held him until he fell asleep. Adam was right. They did have a baby.

Adam came down the next morning and brought Chris up to talk while he made some food “I’m sorry, I was not in the best mood last night. I won’t lock you down there again. Forgive me?”
What else could he do?
“Yes.” They kissed and Adam turned off the burner and took him upstairs for make-up sex. He was rough though, rougher than he’d even been. At one point Chris said “You’re hurting.“ and Adam said “Shut up.”

Chris was hurt, granted he’d raped Robert, but that was different, he wasn’t dating Robert. He told Adam “That bothered me, you telling me to shut up.”
“”Get over it, Chris you whine a lot, you know that?”
“I do?”

“Yes, you do. Let’s eat.”

They went down and let Robert come up for breakfast, Adam had they day off and so said “Right after breakfast you are going to shower and then clean the rest of this house.”
“How?”
“How what.”
“How can I shower?”
“The same way you always have, turn the water on a use soap. You DO use soap don’t you?”
“Yeah...but…the outfit?”
“Wash it too.”

He ate in silence after that, they all did. Shortly after Robert went up for a shower Adam followed him. Chris knew and was a bit hurt. After all they’d just had sex. Wasn’t he enough for him? Evidently not. He heard him telling Robert to “Shut the fuck up.”

The week went by, Chris went to work , but his mind wasn’t really there. He really didn’t know what to do about Adam. He took some more Quaalude home. He was going to have to end this, the hard way.

Adam was getting more violent. He had to do something. The next morning, he put the drug in his coffee while he was up in the shower with Robert. He still had some time before work and usually read the paper, by the time he got through the third article he said “Something’s wrong” he called work and went up to lie down. Chris took the opportunity and went with it, no playing around like R. he went up to lie with him and kissed him passionately, and then pulled the pillow over his head and suffocated him. Just like Candy. He was stronger than Candy and it took longer though.

He went and got Robert, “I killed him, you just got some extra time to live. But you have to help me.”
Robert was happy to help, Chris was nicer than Adam, he had only raped him the one time, and it hadn’t been anything like Adam’s. He also didn’t yell at him. He still hoped he could figure a way out, but now he thought it might be easier.

He said “Tell me what to do.”

Chris did, they watched the bags fill with blood. While they were waiting Chris said “I’ll see if I can get something to remove that dress at work tomorrow.”
“That’d be …nice.”
‘Yeah, well it should be a little looser, we do shed skin cells.”
“It is, but it’s still secure” he reached and scratched his back.
“Can I go home?”
“No, you know that.”



The month went on, With Chris sleeping all day and Adam gone, Robert had to move to his schedule if he didn’t want to be tied to the bed awake all day and tied to it all night also.

Kris still came out to chat, and the first time Robert saw her he was flabbergasted “You look Good!” Kris missed going out with Adam, but she still was used for killing. Robert was tied to the bed with all four limbs on those nights. It was back to Kris and Chris.

Robert watched Kris sometimes, gaining people's trust, it was interesting to him. And one night about a month later, while Kris was logging out he turned and kissed her, just like that. Kris was surprised, but pleased. She thought maybe she’d been getting to lax with him. They made love on the bed and then Robert started up for the bathroom, he went to run and fell down on the step. Kris wasn’t that dumb, she still had the collar control. She walked over to him and said “Oh, Robbie, you just lost so much credit.”

She pulled him to the bed and tied all four limbs again. This time he was that way for a week. It dampened his trying to escape for awhile after that.

When Chris came back form the next kill he made Robert help again. And he asked “Why haven’t you killed me yet?”

Chris said “You weren’t my plan , you were Adam’s; I’m not entirely sure what to do with you. Besides this is easier with help. You fit well for the time. I need to get laid, too.”
They had been doing that, though Chris was very gentle and never “raped” Robert again. At least he didn’t think he was. Robert may have not had the same view of it.

Friend3 had been calling for two weeks to get together and after the put the fresh body in the freezer Chris went to secure Robert down. He said “Can’t I just be locked in the basement tonight?” Kris said “No, Robbie, I just told you I wasn’t going to kill you yet. Now lie down.” He did and Chris went to the bar with Friend3. When he got back he went to bed, he was buzzed and had actually forgotten that Robert was tied downstairs.

Robert was tied to the bad and couldn’t hold hiss piss any longer, he peed the bed in fear. When he was young he’d gotten the shit beat out of him when he’d done that. He was expecting the same from Chris.
Chris woke and went to the bathroom, he realized mid-piss that Robert had been downstairs all night. Shit! He zipped up quickly and went running down to the basement, when he opened the door the smell of urine greeted him. “Robert! I am so sorry.” Robert looked as if he was about to cry “You aren’t mad?” “No, it’s my fault. Let’s get you cleaned up.” and he untied him.

Friend3 woke and was worried about Chris, he seemed off the last few times they talked, he decided he’d go visit him. He drove toward his house.

Robert and Chris were in the shower together fucking (It seemed to be something they both enjoyed) when the doorbell rang. Chris freaked out. No one ever came to the house! He jumped out of the shower grabbed a towel and locked Robert in.

Frind3 was at the door, he answered it but stood in the doorway. “What?”
“Let me in?”
“Bad timing.”
“Bad timing? Come on Chris something is up with you , we need to talk.”
A pounding screaming came from upstairs “Help! Help me!”
“What is that?”
“The television, a movie.”
“No, it isn’t Chris.”
He pushed past him and went up the stairs.

When he got there Robert was still pounding.
“Are you locked in?”
“Yes, please help me, he won’t let me leave!”

Friend3 doubted that, but the he sounded serious. He turned around to ask Chris for a key and he wasn’t there “Chris ? Chris!”
Chris came up with the gun in his hand. “You shouldn’t have come over.“ Friend3’s eyes got huge as Chris said “ Now you can leave, or you can find out what it’s like to be shot. Which will it be?“
“What is going on?“
“We are playing, aren’t we Robert? You just got carried away, didn’t you?”
A very small voice came from the other side “Yeah, yeah just playing.“
“Playing, then why hold a gun to me Chris.?“

“To make you realize I am serious, I appreciate you coming over. But this is a very bad time.”
“I’ll go. Um, have fun?”
Chris walked him to the door. When he was sure he was gone he went up to the bathroom. Kris said “Robbie, that was naughty, you almost made me shoot my best friend.”
“I just want to go home.” he sobbed.
“ Another outburst like that and I’ll send you away, but it won’t be home. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good, now get dressed.”

Friend3 went home, but he was very confused, after about an hour he called the cops. Not sure what to report, but he told them what happened and they said they’d send someone out.

It was well past 7am by the time the cops came out, when they pulled up Chris was civil, told them he’d just still been drunk and that that was why he’d been so forceful with Friend3. They still wanted to look around the house, and he let them. Nothing looked like probable cause. They asked where the other person friend3 had mentioned was. “Oh, he went home, I can give you his number?”
“No, I think we are alright. Thanks for your time Chris”

When they were gone Chris went out to the garage and pulled Robert out from the car trunk that he was bound and gagged in. He was just coming out of the sedative he’d given him. He said “Hello, sunshine.”
Robert was devastated. It showed in his face. They’d gone. “I don’t think they will be back. You are becoming almost more trouble than you are worth.” Robert whimpered under the gag.

He untied him and they went in.

***

Chris still didn’t think they were coming back, but to be safe he pulled the body out of the freezer and dumped it in the well. He also left Robert tied and gagged to the bed downstairs for two days. The third day he figured it was safe, and let Robert come to bed with him. He’d forgotten to turn off the television.

Three hours later there was a knock on the front door. He quickly crabbed the collar control, locked the bedroom door and went to answer the door. It was the Sheriff, with a warrant “Based on what?” said Chris with disbelief.
“Read it.“
He did, it said there were several places to hide someone, and they had seen blood on garage floor and freezer.”
“That is preposterous. My dad used to hunt. It had to be from that!”
“Still, we get to test it.”
Inside Chris was falling apart, but outward he tied to keep up an “I’m not worried” exterior ,he led them to the garage. They took the samples. Chris watched as they put it into the tester , the first the sample form the freezer came up as “human.”
“That could be from a cut.”
“Yes, but this stain over here.” he gestured “It isn’t”
They tested that one “This is also human. Got an explanation for that one?”
“That stain has been here since I moved in. So, no, I don’t”
“I don’t think so. Lets see what you were watching.”
They walked him over to the basement door. It was locked.
The Sheriff turned to him “Now why would you lock the basement door if you are alone and were watching television? Open it.”
Chris did, they went downstairs and the television was indeed on. No one else down there.
The Sheriff was perplexed, the blood in the garage was more than a cuts, but could have been a power tool accident. He had no way to disprove Chris’s story about it being there a long time ago. Besides, if it really were something he wanted to hide, he would have bleached it. They thanked him and left.
As soon as the car was a safe distance away. Chris let go of the button Robert howled in pain from the bedroom. He’d never used the collar that long before.
He cried for a long, long time. He was also very weak for several days after that. Chris told him he’d never use it that long again, and Robert believed him.

It went fine for the next year or so. Robert had given up on escaping, or so it seemed. They slept in the same bed. He still tied him to go kill though, he just locked him in the basement for work and disconnected the internet router, which was upstairs.

It came time for Christmas again, and Chris wanted to buy him something. He didn’t know what, but something. He’d been so complacent lately. He bought a puppy.

When the day came and Robert opened it though, he was sad. “I asked for this last year, from my mom.” Totally ruined the mood for both of them.

That night was hard, Robert was crying and begged to go home, several times. It was hard for Chris to bear. He wanted to, but he also knew that if he did, he would be going to jail.

He held him while he cried, and then, though he hadn’t been tying him up he did. Robert tried to pull away, but Chris , though he hadn’t used the collar in a while, ticked the button and Robert immediately settled down.

In the morning he was feeling a bit better and they discovered the puppy (who was a boy) liked leftover tacos. So they named him Taco.
Taco was a rambunctious little thing, loved walks, thought it was more like he was walking you. He potty trained fast, though he was in the bathroom for the first three days because Chris was right, Robert was hard pressed to go home and tried every opportunity to leave. He tried to run out the front door twice, and the back door too. He lost all his trust in the house. Back to being tied to the bed even when Chris was just at work.

Chris was losing the initial gumption he had for the killing and was getting lazy. He didn’t plan as well and had two mistakes the next two months. The gash in the throat on the last “suicide” had been too deep according to the coroner and they’d labeled it a homicide.

The next one had simply never happened. So everyone knew Kris had gone to meet them. Kris avoided that chat afterward.

The next month he planned, planned so much he forgot about being so intent on Robert. Robert had been very good though, he hadn’t had to use the collar at all. When the time came to go he said “You can earn some trust tonight, I am going to leave you locked in the basement.”

He did, and when he came back, he did what he always did. Burn the evidence, change out his clothes, take a shower, wash the clothes. Robert was still there, it didn’t even look like he’d tried to leave. That was good.

He seemed really interested in how the kill had come, and still occasionally watched him in chat. Chris told him, seemed no harm in it. Robert seemed to have finally accepted he was here. Permanently.

Ten years went by. Roberts parents died in a car accident. He was sad for weeks. Chris wished he could have let him go to the funeral, but the collar, though old, was still there. Chris got older, Robert got older, and smarter, the collar became an unused threat.

Robert asked him one day “Can we take it off, please. I won’t go. There’s nothing left for me anyway.”

Chris thought about that, it would be nice to be able to take him places. He did seem to be pretty used to this is how his life was going. But he wasn’t sure. He cut it off but the next couple weeks Robert was tied back to the bed again, just like he’d been when they first got him.

He earned trust back and was fine. Until the next kill.

Chris came back to no Robert. SHIT. Not now. Where did he go? He went through the motions of clean-up anyway. Where ever he’d gone, he might have a little time. When he came out of the shower Robert was in the house. Chris was stupefied. “I thought you were gone.”
“No, just went for a walk, I do when you are at work too.”
“You DO!? Why on earth haven’t you left, haven’t you told?!”

Well - you are nicer to me than my dad ever was, you hold me when I cry, you make love to me, you saved me from Adam, and I don’t have to work, and now that I don’t have the collar and can go outside. Why should I? So I can start over?

Chris thought about that. He was right. It had been a long time. He said
”So, you want to actually be a couple?”
“Aren’t we?”
“Well, yes, but I mean like go places and things as one.”
“Yes. I’d like that”
“And I could meet Friend3 as your lover.”
“Yes, I’m sure he’d’ like that. He’s always asking. I’m running out of excuses.”

They went to the movies first, Chris was so nervous though, he held Roberts hand so tight he had to finally tell him he was hurting him “Oh, sorry.”

Next they went shopping, Robert had been stuck in leftovers of Adams for so long, he wanted to look at every store in the mall. Though he was bit older than the typical crowd at Hot Topic and Zumiez he went in the anyway. He spent nearly an hour in each store. The music store he wanted more albums than Chris was willing to buy. He ended up with about half of them, then he couldn’t decide what he wanted in the food court. He ended up getting things from four different places and ate it all. Chris felt bad about depriving him, but he had to stay alive. It wasn’t like they never brought him fast food, but they’d only brought things they liked, and had never actually asked him. Chris was getting worn out, it was like he had a teenager with him instead of a man in his thirties.

They went to dinner, they went shopping, the went to the arcade, though they got some strange looks. Older men don’t play in the arcade! It took Chris another six months or so to finally trust him to actually go anywhere alone when they were out, like the bathroom. But he finally did.

They went for pool with Friend3, Robert was horrible at it, but it was fun, he also got slightly drunk, which Chris had never seen. He was quite comical, and danced to everything that came on and drug Chris and Friend3 out onto the floor. He got sick in the bathroom and Chris had to drive him home and deal with him having a hangover the next day he asked “Didn’t you drink in college?”
“Yeah, but that was a long time ago, might as well be the first time”
And Chris again felt bad, they never had let him have anything to drink. Chris didn’t drink unless he was out, so he’d never even thought about it.

The next time he went for a kill, Robert wanted to come but Chris said no “Nope, I do this alone, not after Adam.”
“Well can I at least help on the internet with the next one?”
“Yeah, that I might let you do, but you take orders from me. I pick them, not you.”
“Right.”

Robert did help with the next one, and every one after that. On their one year anniversary of removing the collar Chris added him to his will and explained that. “People with my disease have short life spans, and I’m sure you would have gotten your parents estate had they not thought you dead.” Robert was grateful and showed it. The next few years were wonderful. They hung out with Friend3, played with Taco in the park, had Christmases and anniversaries, birthdays together. Birthdays were especially important, Chris had a short life so on each birthday they went somewhere they'd never been. Disneyland, Reno, state parks, ghost towns. Robert would plan all year and surprise him, though he was sure the Disneyland one was more for him then Chris. He didn’t mind; it had been fun.

Chris did die, at 45, Friend3 was there and some people from work, and Robert. Robert was crying, Friend3 pulled him aside. “You need anything, anything you call me. He loved you very much.” “I know, thanks.”

Robert went home and turned on the television, but he really didn’t pay much attention to the screen. He thought about Chris, what was he going to do without him, there? He had no job, no skills. Nothing. He was scared. He was 42. Forty-two and no job skills is unheard of. Maybe Friend3 could help. He’d call him tomorrow.
When he called Friend3 was more than willing to help, but first they had to go to the reading of the will. He didn’t seem astonished that he had no experience “Well form the first day I met you in the shower I figured you had several, um, people who would pay for things for you.”
”Sugar Daddies?”
”Yeah.”
”No worries though.”
It was true, he had originally been a paid date for Adam and Chris. He never had told Chris that. Maybe he’d known too? Oh well, that was a long time ago now.


Once the will was read Robert was astonished, Chris had managed to save quite a bit of money. Turns out he’d never spent the inheritance from his parents and had been adding to it from his own paycheck. Robert would never have to work. Chris had left the Manga to Friend3. “He would." This was good, Robert had no interest in it. Chris had tired to get him interested in it, but it just wasn’t interesting to him.

That seems like a great idea, until you realize how boring not working is. He Made closer friends with Friend3 and they hung out a bit more than Chris and he had.

Robert decided he’d clean the house , it had been neglected because the last few months Chris had been really sick. While he was putting away the dress and wigs upstairs he thought about something. Something that tickled the back of his mind.

He went downstairs and logged onto the very first chat Kris had used, he’d been chatting with them for awhile now, they all gave him their sympathy. They talked for several hours.

Robert did some other searches that night. Going through Chris’s old bookmarks. He ordered some things.

He practiced all week, in front of Taco in front of the mirror, he tried suggestions form websites, went to chat rooms. He’d found something to occupy his time. The house became very clean, he cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, the basement, the garage. He washed the curtains, all the sheets, steam cleaned all the rugs. Even defrosted the freezer in the garage. It had so much hair in the one corner he couldn’t believe it. He flushed it down the toilet.

He went to the shelf-mart and bought some new shoes, and some new clothes. He went to a medical supply store. He went to “The Empire.” They used to go there together. It was a nice little place, where no one bothered you.

He came home and emptied the trunk and turned on the television, he watched it while he ate ice cream and thought about his plan.

***

Bobbie got up took a shower and shaved her underarms, she carefully applied makeup and went in to put nylons on, they came up nicely over her smooth legs, she slipped on a new blue paisley print dress, earrings and a necklace. She set up the camera on her computer and took some pictures, she uploaded one to a chat room she’d never been in before.

Kaitlin: Hello Bobbie, nice dress.
Mark: Pretty eyes, hi there.
Seven: Hello Bobbie!
Grant: Bobbie, what brings you here?
Bobbie: Hello all, I need to make some friends, my husband died and I’m sad.

They talked all night, she made several new friends. When she was done she hung up the dress and changed into sweats. Taco needed a walk.

Bobbie continued to chat in the room and others, gaining confidence. She didn’t have a time limit like Kris had, she planned for a long time. Months for some. The first one was exhilarating. A girl named Daisy, she convinced her to go shopping and then afterwards they went for drinks.

Bobbie stood against the bar wall, watching two drinks, Daisy came back and sucked hers down, after another little while she suggested they go back to her place. Bobbie followed her and when they got there they began kissing and Daisy almost fell over. Bobbie pushed her to the ground and found out what he had been pretty sure of, daisy was a boy. She said “That was my chat room, you fucked up, sweetie.” and proceeded to rape him with all the rage she had, rage from her father, rage from Adam, rage from Chris, rage about the accident. It all came down to this one night.

He was so fierce he made Daisy bleed, and had also misjudged where her mouth and nose were and had suffocated him.

Bobbie hadn’t planned for that, but she hadn’t noticed anyone around so she pulled daisy out to the car to dump her in the landfill at home. They can’t accuse you of murder if there is no body.
She drove home and dumped Daisy in the freezer to wait with the lawn clippings and fireplace ashes for dump day.

Dump day came, Robert made a dump run and went and finally got a license for the truck. He had a feeling he would be making a lot of dump runs. On the way back the sheriff stopped him” “Now I know you don’t use this very often, but you really need to get new plates for this.”
“Robert pulled out the sheet form the DMV “Just did officer!”
“Oh good, carry on then.”

Had the Sheriff been paying attention he would have seen the pool of blood in the back, but he missed it. Robert was certainly glad he got them ordered, he didn’t need stopped again.

He was feeling a bit like Chris did he supposed, almost getting caught, he understood a little more why he couldn’t let him leave. Killing someone is exhilarating, frightening, but also the best high you can ever have.

Robert pulled the truck into the drive and went for a walk, the grass was waving in the wind and the sky was beautiful. Taco loped along side him. He went by the well, there were numerous bodies in it now, four he knew of. Two from Adam mistakes and two from Chris ones.

He walked along and thought of his life. Once a college kid who was a paid escort, to a prisoner, to a lover. How on earth did you love your captor? He didn’t know but it had happened. He threw a stick for taco as he thought about it some more, and walked back home.

Bobbie went online, she needed some interaction, she’d made some new friends, no one even asked about Daisy, though she’d been missing a week. That was good. One person said there had been a missing person’s report in the paper but the police had no leads. Bobbie took it in, it had worked, and worked well apparently.

He looked around the house. He’d done pretty well for himself, though he’d had to put up with some shit to get there. A house of his own, a car, money, and something to tickle the excitement he thought he needed, killing, just to kill. No need of blood to get in the way of the plan, no one to hinder him, no one to tell him no. It was perfect.

***

The day dawned on a sleepy little house on the outskirts of Fresno, the young couple walked in and looked around. It was quaintly old and had plenty of room for their daughter. The furniture and all the possessions were still in the house, it had gone for auction as it was. It had been a steal. They began to take things out. While exploring they found a computer, the husband figured he’d just wipe the hard drive. The wife had gone upstairs and found wigs, and make-up and false boobs. “I thought they said a man lived here? Oh, well.”
She boxed it for the goodwill, they spent all day cleaning.

The next day they brought their daughter, while cleaning she found a teddy bear and asked if she could have it. “Of course, dear.”

The little girl had been charged with moving the food from the pantry. She found a curious secret door behind the cans on the second shelf. When she opened it she found a note, it said:

“Help me. I’ve been kidnapped.
If you are finding this I found a way to sneak it out.”
Robert Filmer

She took it to her mother. She said “Hmm, well this note is pretty old, I don’t think it’s important anymore dear. You can throw it away.”
“O.K.” she was sad. She had been hoping for a mystery.

She finished boxing the cans for her father, and went out side to play for awhile. Her father called form the basement window “Lilly, bring daddy another box!” “O.K.” and she ran for it.

She came back in with the box and daddy handed her a key “Go see if that opens anything alright pumpkin?"

“O.K. dad.”

She tried it on every door in the house, nothing, she tried on the jewelry box, not there either. She looked all around the rest of the house and couldn’t find anymore locks. She thought “Maybe the garage!” she went out and it did fit, in the freezer lock. The freezer was big and old, but it was on. Maybe there was something good in it, like ice cream, or a roast; Lilly loved roast.

Daddy called "Lilly, more boxes! “O.K.”
She ran back down with two more boxes “Did that key fit anything?”
“yeah the freezer, but you called before I could see in it.”
“That’s O.K., we will look later”

“Marge” he called” might not have to go to the store tonight, Lilly says the key fits the freezer."
“That’s great”
Marge was happy, anything thing still useful in a house like this was nice. They only had been living in the tiny motel room so long she couldn’t wait to have room to really buy things!”

Lilly went back out to play, she found a old covered well in the back. Someone had labeled it “Old well, water no good.”
She wondered how water could get bad in a well. She played in the back yard some more and found an old doghouse, the dog was long dead by the looks of it, he’d left a huge bone behind. She played with it for awhile and then got bored and went back inside.

Daddy was calling her again for boxes.
“Aren’t we saving anything dad?”
“Only what we need to honey, the furniture is staying, and the dishes, until we can buy new .”
“I miss our old house.’
“I know honey. Tell you want why don’t you go and see if there's anything in your new room you want to keep.’
"I have my own room?“
“Yes, you sure do! Top of the stairs and to your left.”
Lilly skipped up the stairs, she’d never had her own room before.

She opened the door, the room hadn’t been used in a long long time. It had a bed a desk and a picture of Jesus with a huge cross through him she said “I would have done that too, having him stare down at you like that.”

She went and bounced on the bed, she could put her own blanket on it.
Dad called “Lilly. More boxes!”
She went down for more and after she took them to him her mom asked for the Freezer key, she didn’t have it. “Well, where did you leave it” "I don’t know!” ”Lilly you can’t be losing things like that! We’ll look for it later.”
“It’s O.K. Lilly. I know you are excited, it can’t have gone far, come and help me make dinner.”

They made a simple dinner there were TV dinners I the freezer, that was all there was in the freezer actually. Marge hoped it was because the freezer outside was full. They ate and talked of things they wanted to do to the house . Lilly wanted to paint her room it was a boys room, and get rid of the Jesus picture, and dad wanted to turn the basement into a game room. Marge lovely the kitchen and wanted to organize it as soon as possible.

They ate and continued with the house the truck was full and they made a trip to town. People looked at them funny in it and they finally had to ask why “Well that’s Roberts truck, where is he?” "I’m sorry we don’t know who Robert is” we found this on the land of the house we just bought “Oh, so that’s what happened. I wondered why I hadn’t seen him. Must have missed the Obit'. You have a good day.” he tipped his hat and left. They went to the supermarket too, for breakfast. Marge had discovered the beds were sound and clean. She wasn’t spending another might in that horrible cramped motel room. Dad agreed, and so did Lilly. They went for ice cream.

They came back and Lilly screamed “There’s the key daddy I didn’t lose it, it was in the freezer, see! See! “ she hated being accused of losing things, she was not that careless. She was a good and careful girl.
Marge said , “O.K. well we can open it after we bring the groceries in and load the truck again, I want to get enough out of this house tonight so it feels like ours, sound like a good idea?" "It is ours honey” “I know but when we get some of our own stuff it will feel more like it.”
“I know.”

They went out and opened the freezer and looked in.

Nothing.

Chris was getting a little worried, this was second time he’d had to bring a body home. Adam was a great help most of the time, but bringing R. home had been planned and this hadn’t.

Adam was also pressuring him to move in, Chris wasn’t so sure about that, he liked his alone time and there were some things they didn’t agree on at all. So he’d been putting off answering him.

Most of the time they did get along though. Maybe he’d just been living by himself too long. He’d hadn’t lived with anyone other than his parents. He finally told him yes.

Moving in was a chore. Adam had a lot of stuff, and then they had two sets of dishes, and furniture to try and add to the house. Chris decided they could get rid of most of the things in the living room, the television was ancient, as was the couch, and that horrible orange chair downstairs.
They put them in the truck to take to town. He never had re-licensed it, but no one seemed to care.

Their relationship became better because of the move , both as a couple and as partners when the time came to kill.

Their anniversary came, and Adam had a surprise. He’d been talking up a very sexy college guy named Robert to have a threesome. Chris was intrigued. He had grey eyes and dyed black hair, with a very close resemblance to R.

He must have talked about him too much. But then Stevie had looked a lot like R. too, why hadn’t he thought of him first?

Either way it was a great present, but after the orgy there was a snag. Robert went down to the fridge for a soda, there weren’t any in the kitchen so he went down to the basement. Chris and Adam realized he was taking far to long at the same time he found the bags of blood. They rushed down the stairs to a wide eyed , mouth wide open, pale Robert staring into the fridge.

He realized they were there and started to run, but Adam caught him and said ”Now, what do you think you saw?”
He stuttered out “B…b...blood.” then “Are you vampires or something?”
Adam laughed a hollow laugh “Do we look like it?”
“I, I guess not”
“Chris here has a disease that he needs blood for, so we get bags of it from the hospital.”
Roberts eyes got wide “They do that?”
Chris said “Yes, yes they do.”
“For a minute I thought I was dead. They let you have it no writing on it or anything?”
Adam said “Well, Chris works there , so yeah.“
Robert seemed to take this in, then he said the dumbest thing.
“I don’t believe you.”
Chris and Adam looked at each other and the decision was made, Robert realized too late he shouldn’t have said it. Adam grabbed his upper body and Chris his legs and the carried him over to the bed. Adam tied his arms to the headboard and Chris sat on his legs until Adam found some rope for them. The whole time Robert thrashed and called out. “I believe! I believe you!” over and over.
When they had him tied town securely, Adam looked at Chris and asked
“How much have you got left?”
“Two weeks worth.”
“It will spoil if we do him now too, won’t it?”
“Yes.”

They looked over at Robert, still desperately pleading the he believed and pulling at the ropes.

Adam looked at Chris, ”I guess this anniversary present is going to last awhile.” and smiled as he kissed him.

They walked back over to the bed. Robert had quieted and was crying. Adam started talking to him ”Looks like your going to be our guest for a few weeks, whom did you tell you were coming here?”
“No one, you asked me not to, remember?”
“But did you? Did you just have to tell that best friend, or call your mother?”
Chris had gone for the knife and held it up to his throat as Adam asked again.
“No one, I swear.” Adam nodded and Chris pulled it away “That’s good Robert.”

Adam and Chris left him there and went upstairs to talk.

Chris was pissed, he yelled “This was YOUR Idea, you had him come here!”
“You liked it though!”
“Yes, but every time you have an idea it gets us closer to getting caught, and now we have to either kill him and dump him, or sit on him for two weeks!”
Their voices escalated “But I didn’t know he was going to find it, and neither did you!”
“You have got to be more careful, you are going to get us caught!”
“You did get caught! I caught you, and you’d be in jail right now if I didn’t care about you!”

Chris realized he was right, he did really care. He toned his voice down and said “I know, you do care. I’m just stressed out.”
Adam calmed himself as well and pulled him in for a hug and kissed the top of his head. “I know.”

They went down to make some food, and Robert called up from the basement. “I have to piss. Please, can I not piss the bed?”

Adam and Chris weren’t so sure about untying him, and then Chris had an idea. He ran upstairs and came back with a vase. Robert frowned, but Chris said “Vase or bed, you choice.”
Robert chose the vase.

While they were making dinner they discussed what to do with him. Chris was concerned. “We can’t leave him tied to bed for two weeks, he’ll have sores, and he’ll moan about it.”

“He’s going to moan about it anyway, he’s probably struggling against the knots because we aren’t down there as we speak.”

“Well we have to keep him slightly passive. He knows what we want, he may not eat.”

“He’ll eat, he thinks we are nuts.”

“Maybe we are.”

“Because we kill people we meet on the internet?”

“No, because we are so accepting of it.”

They finished dinner (which happened to be cheeseburger macaroni) and took a their plates down to the basement.

Robert had been trying. He’d gotten his right hand partially out of the loop around it.

He looked at Chris with fear as he brought him a plate. He said:

“Right handed, good to know. Now. You have a choice again - I can finish untying that hand if you promise to sit here and eat with it - or I can retie it tighter and feed you. If you say yes and then not eat and try and escape, then we will be feeding you for two weeks. Do you understand?”

Robert whimpered “Yes.”

Chris untied the knot and sat there with him as they ate. They didn’t talk. Adam sat in the lounger he’d brought to the house. They didn’t even talk. They were all just thinking.

He finished first and walked over to them. “So, Robert “ Robert looked at him through disheveled bangs “I’ve never had a slave before. I think you might be quite busy for the next couple weeks.”

Chris turned to look at Adam. What the hell was he doing?

He said “Adam, how do you propose we make that work?”

Adam went to one of the boxes he hadn’t unpacked yet, and pulled out an electric dog training collar.
Chris looked at him like he was not thinking things through he said “Those are for dogs.”

“Yes, but they have settings. High is very painful. Would you like to see?”
Chris was very doubtful. “Yeah. I don’t believe you.”

Adam put it around Chris’s neck.

Robert said “You are going to fake it to make me believe.”

Adam said “Really, well then you get the next demonstration.”

Adam started it on the lowest setting, it felt like someone had walked across a charged carpet and shocked him. Adam turned to the next setting, the one was more painful, but not enough to make him really ’hurt’.

Adam turned it up to the next setting, and Chris cursed pulled it off “Fuck! What the hell, there is no way.”
I've “adjusted” it.

Adam picked up the collar and moved over to Robert. “So, you still think it won’t hurt?”
“No, he’s acting.”
“O.K. “
He buckled the collar around Roberts neck and didn’t even bother with the first two settings. He pressed the button, it had a continuous option.

Robert instantly believed, he tried to pull it off with his right hand , (because it was still free) and couldn’t he was screaming “Fuck, Fuck , Fuuuuuuck!” and thrashing around on the bed. Adam turned it off and said “That wasn’t even on high.”

Chris was staring at Adam, who was he? And why did he have an adjusted dog collar. He was scaring him. Yes, he’d adjusted to the fact Chris killed quite easily. Chris was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t just because he loved him.

“Why do you have that, Adam?”

“I had a very disobedient dog once.”

Chris wasn’t sure he believed that, the collar wasn’t that old.

He said “What happened to it?”

With no remorse Adam said. “Hit by a car.”

Adam dug around in the box and came up with some epoxy. He got ready to mix it and told Chris to tie Roberts hand back up. Robert resisted, but Adam set the parts down and went over and helped him, and said “Can’t have you gluing your hand to the collar.”
Adam mixed the epoxy and told Chris to hold Roberts head up. He did try and buck but after another continuous thirty-second shock he sat still.

He used the epoxy on the buckle and was very careful not to get any on his skin. “We want it to be able to move.” was all he said.

He sent Chris upstairs to lock the door, it was old (like the house) and had a skeleton key you could lock from both sides.

When it was dry he untied him and said “Now, you will have limited access to the basement, but you fuck up and I will shock you, fuck up again and we will tie you back to the bed. “ He looked at Chris “Satisfied?”
“Yes.”
What else could he say?

They plugged in the gaming console and invited Robert to play. He played, but you could tell he wasn’t very happy. After three games he said.

“Can’t I just go home, I promise I won’t tell anyone about this.”

Chris said “Sorry, can’t happen. Secrets have a way of leaving your mouth when you least expect it.”

It was time for Adam to go to bed for work in the morning, he handed the collar control to Chris. About an hour later Robert wanted to sleep too. So Chris could get some work done he went to tie his ankle to the bed, Robert said “No, please, I’ll stay in bed, I can’t sleep that way.” Chris said “You have to earn it.” and held up the control. Robert let him tie the ankle down.

Robert tossed and turned for quite awhile before he fell asleep. Kris was in chat, the first one. He’d go back to it every once in a while. Just for some connection. He didn’t really stay long though. He told them Adam was acting strangely and they all assured him it was post-move in jitters. If they only knew what really was going on. Adam was changing. Becoming someone else. What did he do?



He spent most of the evening on the computer, and then went for some cuddle time with Adam before he had to get up for work. Adam rolled over when he got into the bed, hugged him and sleepily said “You lock the basement door?” “Yes.” “Good.” he kissed him and went immediately back asleep.

Three hours later Chris heard a scream from downstairs and Adam wasn’t in the bed. It came again . It wasn’t Adam. Was it Robert? He went down to investigate and Adam was, well there is no other way to say it, powerfully raping Robert . Chris yelled ”What are you doing?”
Adam said “ You were sleeping and I had a hard-on., might as well use what we’ve got.” Roberts eyes were huge, Adam was not being gentle at all.
Chris looked at Adam and said “Who are you?”
Adam looked at him with hard eyes. “Your boyfriend, go back to bed.”
Chris looked from Adam to Robert to Adam again. He had instant vision of him being in Roberts place and it scared him. He did go back upstairs. Robert called after him “Don’t leave me!”

Chris did go lie back down, he heard Adam in the shower, whistling. He came into the bedroom to dress. “You better not be having that kid think he can trust you. Bad Idea.”
“I’m not the one who was raping him.”
“Maybe you should, it’s fun.”
“Fun?”
“Yes. Look Chris, have you ever wondered why I didn’t tell anyone about that body?”
“You said you loved me.“
“I do, but I also have the ‘lack of compassion’ you have to be able to kill, but I’d rather just fuck them. The fact we both can get people to trust us to come and see them is helpful. I just hadn’t told you because then you would have something over my head. But now we have to trust each other even more. Don’t fuck up with this kid. I have to work.“ and he kissed him goodbye.

Chris was really confused now. He was in love with a rapist. But then the rapist confessed to being in love with a killer. Oh, and add kidnapping to the list. He got up and took some sleeping pills. He needed to sleep. He’d know what to do when he got up.

Adam walked into the house to a banging on the basement door “Chris, Chris, I’m hungry, I have to pee, the vase is full. Are you even there! CHRIS!

Adam locked the door, ran upstairs and grabbed the collar control off the nightstand. He went back down to shut Robert up. “Robert, he sleeps all day. Now I am sorry we both forgot to leave you food. Back away from the door. “ he pressed the control for a split second, Robert stopped pounding and screaming and Adam heard him move back. He opened the door and took him up to the bathroom. He said “Shit, piss and take a shower. I’ll make some food. “ he locked the bathroom door with the skeleton key (every room in the house had them) and went down to make some food.

Chris woke up and the shower was going, he thought it was Adam, but , the door was locked. Adam never locked the door. He took out the key and walked into the bathroom, he saw Robert's shirt and pants in a heap. He locked the door behind him. He peed and thought about what Adam had said. What bothered him most was that he wondered if he was right. He opened the shower door on a lathered Robert and pushed him forward against the tiles. Maybe it was just that easy?
He was really confused the last year had been stressful, planning, being Kris, having to change plans, R., Candy, and now Robert.

He undressed and made himself hard and pushed into Robert mercilessly, he stiffened and Chris grabbed his hair and pushed harder. Months of anger seemed to leak out of his mind, and he directed it at Robert. Robert started to squeal, and Chris didn’t like that so he put his hand over his mouth. He pumped hard and ruthlessly, with the shower running and Robert crying. He came hard and fast. When he was done he noticed blood, shit. He immediately felt remorse. Rinsed himself off and got out of the shower. He left Robert crying and bleeding in it and locked the door.

He went down to Adam making omelettes, and said “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“About what, the omelette?”
“No, I just forcibly had sex with Robert, and he’s…bleeding.”
“Oh, well he’s clean, I checked.”
“Not what I mean.”
“So, you hurt him, it’s not like he’s going to be around long. The shower covered the sounds well, I might have to do that.”
“I covered his mouth.”
“Just don’t get carried away and cover the nose, that can be disastrous.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“You aren’t the slightest bit surprised?”
“No, he’s cute, and had you been more confident with R. I bet you would have raped him. You talk about him with a combination of admiration and loathing. So, no it doesn’t.”
“I talk about him that much?”
“Well, no, you actually don’t, but when you do, it’s different than when you talk about anyone else. Did you like it?”
“Um, yeah.”
He did, how could he? Rape was wrong, but then…so was killing. He decided not to worry about it, that was his mother's voice anyway. Adam seemed fine with it. He had liked it. It also explained a bit of sex play that he’d done. They weren’t just the gay couple anymore they were the gay, murdering, rapist couple of Fresno.

Chris went back up to give the kid some fresh clothes, they’d be big on him, but clean at least. Robert took them but made no comment. They went down to eat, and Robert started to sit down and then tried to run for the door. He made it halfway there and was knocked on his knees by the collar’s shock. Adam held it down as he walked over to him, Robert clutching at the collar. “Thought that shower ruined it didn’t you? No such luck. Waterproof gasket. Dogs have to be in the rain sometimes.
Now get up.” and he hitched the shock higher, Robert got up and walked slowly back to the table, grimacing from the pain of the collar. When he was seated, Adam let go.

Hey ate in silence, Robert was obviously still in pain, after about five minutes Chris said “What do you want to do tonight Robert?”
“He looked at disdainfully. “Nothing with either of you. I want to go home!“
Adam said “Come on now, you could be down tied to that bed still, or worse dead. I think you might want to be a little nicer.”
“Yes, if we like you enough we might keep you around awhile.”
Chris didn’t know why he’d said that, keep him around? He looked at Adam. Adam smiled and said:
“Yeah, you know like I said before I’ve never had a slave, this might be one of the few times you get a choice.”
Robert said “I want to go out.”
“Sorry, not on the list, try again.”
“Internet then?”
“O.K. but monitored, closely.”

Chris sat with Robert on the computer, no personal sites, no telling anyone he was there, or alive even. He could see what they were doing. Robert got frustrated after about a half hour. “But, it’s no fun this way!”
“Take it or leave it.”
He did let him watch you tube, but not signed in. After about three hours Robert was tired and wanted to sleep. Chris tied him to the bed again, Robert asked “I stayed in bed last night?”
“But you ran for the door this evening.”

He went up to the living room and found Adam watching a movie Adam said “He in bed?”
“Yeah.”
“You know what’s funny?”
“What?”
“It’s like we have a child, almost”
“How so.”
“Both of us have to watch him, take care of him. We have to put food out for him tomorrow. And something else too piss in.”

They made a lunch plate, Adam said he’d feed him before he left , and tomorrow he’d bring home some pizza or something. “…and make me a list of chores for him.“ He went up to bed.

Chris had an uneventful evening, he made a list of chores for Adam to have Robert do . The house needed cleaned. He listed each room. The garage he’d never gotten to. He wrote that down. The lawn needed mowed. Though that one seemed risky.

He went up to sleep with Adam for a few hours like every morning, but skipped breakfast with him. When Adam came home that night he had two surprises. Pizza hut and a maid’s costume.

No one had told Robert about the chores yet. So after the pizza Adam told him to put it on. He was pissed. He said with a loathsome voice “I’m gay, but I am not a girl.”
Adam pretended to think about the statement with the collar control in his hand while rubbing his chin
“I know you aren’t but I think you might reconsider putting that on, anyway. Chris, help him be a pretty girl, would you.?” He’d said pretty girl as if he was talking to a dog.

He went up and Chris followed him, with the outfit. Who know better than to help him get the nylons on, and he knew Adam wanted the boobs. Robert did alright with eye make-up, but the foundation, blush and lipstick he hadn’t used before.

Howe on earth he was supposed to clean in that though? It was a skimpy one.

They came down and Adam said “You look darling, now come with me.” he took his hand.
Adam told Chris he’d take him tonight and proceeded to take him up to the bathroom. But his demeanor changed immediately. Adam turned into a drill sergeant, and Robert had no idea what he was doing so it was worse “You God-damned dummy! Don’t you know how to do anything?! That’s not how you clean that. Now do it right.” and “Why do you even try you can’t get anything right!”
There were more but Chris didn’t want to hear them, they sounded like his mother. He went downstairs and turned on the stereo - loudly.

Adam had him clean the bathroom and the kitchen, Chris knew because the yelling got louder when they moved “You! Quit whimpering. You’d never make it in the army. Hell, I can’t believe you’ve lived this long! Now scrub!”

When Adam was done with him he literally threw him down the stairs. Chris caught him, and then Adam did a strange thing, he locked them both down in the basement. Chris didn’t have his key , it was in his other pants. Great. He looked at Robert, he hadn’t even attempted to getup. He had a shiner and bloody lip, and you could see bruises on his legs through the nylons. He was crying.

Chris just went and held him, and Robert let him. He said ”I wasn’t expecting that, lately I don’t know who Adam is.”

Robert didn’t say anything just continued to sob in his arms, after about a few minutes he asked if he wanted to get out of the wrinkled dress. “I can’t!”
“What do you mean you can’t?”
“I was complaining of it itching and being uncomfortable and so he…” Robert swallowed a sob “…he glued it to me.”
In an incredulous voice Chris said “All of it?”
“Well, all the top , all the way around.”
“How the hell did he even do that?”

“He held me down mixed a large batch of the epoxy and pulled up and slathered the back first, he had his knee on the collar control, I couldn’t move, then when that set he rolled me over and did the front too.”
“The boobs too?”
“Yes, and it burned!” he started crying again.
Well damn , Chris thought, now I can’t use them. What the hell was Adam doing?

He carried him over to the bed and tied his ankle, though he was crying. If he got out now it would make things even worse. He cried for long time and fell into an exhausted sleep. Chris went up and knocked on the basement door. Adam didn’t come. What if he had decided they were both prisoners? It scared him.

***

The relationship with Adam was going well, they talked of school. Of how there lives had changed since they last talked. Adam used the internet too, so they talked on IM when they couldn’t be together.

Chris found it increasingly difficult not to tell him about Kris’s plans. They were sharing everything else. Right now Adam thought Kris only came out for him, he liked that.

He’d been n with Sarah a couple more times and he’d told her he wanted to go shopping with her for a dress for Adam, she thought this was a great idea and they planned to meet at the VERY large mall, closer to her than Chris.

Adam called, he wanted to do something that weekend, how did he get out of this? He feigned extra hours at work, Adam hadn’t actually come to see him at work and so far was very trusting. It would work.

Kris got dressed, so much faster than before, and confidently headed for the mall. When she got there she met Sarah in the food court and they ate before heading to the stores. Sarah knew what she was doing they went to so many shops, everything from Macy’s, to Sears, to Victoria’s Secret. She convinced Kris to get a silky little teddy with black lace. Good thing she didn’t make her try it on!
Changing this many times in one day was tiring, Kris tried on everything from dinner gowns to fun sundresses. Sarah made her come out so she could see them. After the sixth store and several hours of looking they still didn’t have anything. There was one more place Sarah suggested, not the swankiest place, but sometimes she found things there. Ross Dress For Less.
They walked in and it reminded Kris of K-mart, big aisles just full of clothing. Daunting. But Sarah knew how to look and found her five dresses in about six minutes. Off to the dressing rooms again. The third dress was lovely a deep blue satin, over-laid with a sheer black layer with a velvet feeling black swirl design, with a small swatch of tulle underneath to push out the bottom, spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline. Kris loved it, and walked out , bra straps showing. Sarah laughed. “Looks like we need to get you a strapless bra, but otherwise it’s stunning. Do you like it?”

“It’s my favorite so far.”
That and Chris was tired, they still had things to do tonight.


Kris looked at the price tag, $150.00 (supposedly a $500 dress according to the tag). It was indeed lovely and they went to go find a strapless bra to go with it. Sarah made Kris try it on with the bra, she was hesitant until Sarah said “You may need a bustiere instead, not all strapless bras work.” That made it better, because Chris knew Kris’s boobs would not work without the tape and bra!
Kris tried not even going there, she put on the dress, but didn’t take off the boobs and sat in the dressing room for what seemed like long enough to make it seem like it and then sais “Yes, I think I do, this isn’t working at all.”
“O.K., back to Victoria’s Secret then!”

Phew, that worked. Kris asked Sarah to put the bra back while she dressed, it gave her time to get dressed in the pants again. She wishes she’d worn a dress! At least at most stores Sarah hadn’t seemed to notice that she took a long time. But then it did always seem like women take a lot longer than men do to get dressed.

Sarah asked about Adam, Kris told her most things about him, skipping things that would give her away. For some reason it made arah think of a movie which Kris hadn’t seen.

“I haven’t seen that?”
“I have it, and we have dress, want to watch it, we culd have a sleepover!” She giggled.

That was more than Kris had even hoped for, apparently shopping created a bond. She’d have to remember that. She said “I’d love that!”

They bought the dress and headed out of the mall. “Where did you park?”
“C-6. You?”

“J-7, tell you what, I’m farther away, I’ll drive up here and then you can follow me to my house.”
“Sounds good.”

Kris started walking to her car and Sarah to hers. Chris put the newly purchased dress in the trunk and checked the contents of the purse. Every thing was there. This time he’d even added some extra gloves and drugs. He moved the drug pouches to the pocket of his pants.

Sarah came around the corner in a used sports car, honked, and Kris waved, pulled out, and followed her.

The drive to the house took about twenty minutes, a little mobile on the outskirts of town. The one next to Sarah’s had a for rent sign and weeds in the yard. The one on the other side was over manicured. Kris parked behind her and asked as she nodded at the nicer yard “Retired?”

“Yeah, nice though.”

They walked in and Chris surveyed the scene, an ‘80’s doublewide, with the living room as you walk in, a kitchen with a breakfast bar and the bedroom in the back. Kris said:
“Can I use the restroom?”
“Sure , first door on the left down the hall.”
The bathroom had been re-done, with a claw foot tub and pink swan décor, but it had the important thing, Chris thought. A shower.

Kris came back out and Sarah had the movie set up. Kris tried to pay attention, but Chris was planning in the back of her head, he was quite distracting.

Halfway through the movie Sarah announced “Bathroom break!.” and Kris asked “Shall I pause it?” “No, I’ve seen it, be right back.” and smiled. Kris paused it anyway and asked “Do you have anything to drink?”
From the bathroom Sarah answered “I have water, and milk and soda, not much on alcohol.”
“Soda is fine.”
“It’s in the fridge, grab me one too, would you?”
“Sure.”

Chris thought: That was easy, funny what a little suggestion can do. In fact so far this had been almost too easy. He was on edge.

He opened his soda and hers, and put one packet in hers. He heard the toilet flush and quickly put the empty back in her pocket, turned and handed Sarah hers, held up Kris’s can and said ”Cheers to new friends” Sarah smiled , they clicked cans and drank.

It took the rest of the movie for Sarah to drink her soda, Chris thought she’d never finish it, shortly before the ending she said “Wow we must have done more tonight than I thought, I’m really tired, I may have to call it a night after this.

“We did do a lot. It’s O.K.”

The movie ended and Kris looked over at Sarah. Sound asleep on the couch. Chris put gloves on, put his arms under hers and dragged her to the bathroom and laid her in the shower. He grabbed the fresh razors out of the purse put it in her hand and using his hand around hers, cut her left wrist first , and let it bleed for a minute; getting all over her arm and the shirt. He then used the bloody hand to half cut the right wrist, because with the other one cutting it would be difficult, he let them both bleed all over her and the bathtub while he set up the IV ports and blood bags. He put one in each wrist and waited. Two at once went much faster. The right arm was filling faster than the left. It was like a job he had. His mind narrated as he was working.

Change one, change two.

20 minutes later:

Change three, Change four.

20 minutes later:

Change five change six.

20 minutes later:
Change seven.
Hear the last breath while reconnecting.
Change eight.

30 minutes later:
Change nine, change ten.

Take them out and put the IVs in a bag, let the remaining blood flow out of her hands for a few more minutes. Start the shower. Check for blood out side the shower, from his feet, his fingers. Nothing. Good. Take off the gloves inside out over her body, put them in the bag. Take the other bag of blood bags to the living room, Put on the other set of gloves. Dust the fridge handle, countertop, and door handle for prints. Remove Kris’s soda can and put it in the bag. Dust where the can was, change mind, put Sarah’s soda can in the garbage and wipe off the entire glass coffee table with the dishcloth. Put the dishcloth back on the faucet like she had it.
Walk back and double check the bathroom, grab both bags and purse and go out to the car. Open the trunk put both bags in, check to make sure no one is watching, take off the gloves and out them in the burn bag. Close the trunk.

Put the purse in the passenger seat and start the car. Turn on the radio. Drive home.


When Kris drove into the driveway it was almost sun up, she got out quickly and grabbed the bags from the trunk of the car and ran inside, where it was safe. She locked the doors and built a pine fire for the burn bag, took the blood to the downstairs fridge, grabbed a mug of regular blood to take some sleeping pills with, stripped and threw her clothes in the washer, and went up for a quick shower. After the shower he came back downstairs and started the washer, and collapsed into bed.

***
When Chris woke he was ravenous, he went up to make breakfast and noticed the machine was blinking. It was Adam.

“I called work, you weren’t there. I thought we had some trust. I however am willing to listen to an explanation. Call me.”

Shit. He knew something would go wrong. He’d call him. Later. He made a big breakfast of ham, sausage eggs and pancakes. Margo begged and he relented. After he ate he checked the fire, It had not gone all day like he’d hoped, he built it better and started it again. Can’t have things around. Speaking of not having things around, he still needed to figure out what to do with R.

He thought about it over a large mug of R’s blood, which was actually almost gone.

He called Adam.
“Hello.”
“Hey Adam, I got your message”
“So, where were you?”
“I went shopping with a friend, I was trying to keep it a surprise.”
“You could have told me.”
“I should have, I’m not good at there things.”
“So, do I get to see this surprise.”
Kris’s voice came out into the phone, coyly she said “Maybe…” and giggled.
“Oh, that kind of surprise, huh?”
“What kind?”
“Sex kind” you could hear the smile in Adam’s voice.
“Wednesday, dinner and dancing and Roberto’s?”
“I’d like that.”
Chris paused and asked “Hey Adam, can I ask a favor?”
“Sure.”
“The dump is only open daylight hours, would you be able to take some trash for me this week?”
“Yeah, sure. What kind?”
“Oh, fireplace ashes, stuff I sorted from mom and dads stuff. Nothing really.”
He thought : and a dead body, nothing, really.
“Sure, um, I can do it Tuesday, I think.”
“That’d be great I’ll leave it in the driveway.”
Chris?”
“Yes.”
“Your place Wednesday night?”
Chris had been running out of excuses. He could hide some things for one night, besides Adam was unlikely to go into the freezer or the fridge. Oh, wait Wednesday, the freezer would be empty by then anyway.

He said “Yeah, I think so.”

He went upstairs and showered and Kris put make up on , the blonde wig and dressed in the blue dress for a new picture for chat. She uploaded it and went into the chat. They were talking about celebrities. They all loved the new photo. No one even mentioned that Sarah was gone. This was good. They all asked about Adam. She told them he was taking her to Roberto’s.

Edi: Oh, he’s getting serious!
Ash: Kris is going to get laid!
Ergorm: I hope that dress is easy to remove! LOL
Iantric: How long have you been dating now?
Kris: A month or so. J
Huluman: You’ve gotten laid already then, surely!
Kris: Well, yes. *blush*

She chatted for almost two hours. She excused herself to eat.
After lunch she changed into sweats, put on gloves, and went out to the freezer. R. was covered in frost, he brushed it off his face, kissed the cold dead body and said “Time to let you go, my prince.” He took three sturdy lawn bags from the box on the shelf and lifted R. out of the freezer, he was very light, already being very small at 100 lbs, draining the blood and freezing it had made him weigh even less. Chris curled the body into a ball and eased a bag over it. Then another, and then the third, he rolled it completely over and triple tied the top. Then untied it and scratched his chin, if Adam untied it to find out why it was so heavy he’d need something else on top. He scratched his chin more and looked around. He saw the lawnmower with the bag attached in the corner of the garage. It was about half full. He went into the house and got the duct tape he removed the bags and he taped all around the body making it a tight ball. He re-bagged it. It was even easier to turn it over. He dumped quite a bit of the lawn clippings on top of R.‘s body, and jostled it around and dumped more. He dumped and jostled until he was sure then moving the bag around would still not have of R.’s body show through the clippings. It indeed made the bag about 30lbs heavier. He tied the top and put it by the garage door. Went out and brought the other bags in and put them with it, leaving the ash bag open for tomorrow. Hi father had taught him never to put fresh ashes in a bag, they may still start a fire.

By this time he was hungry again, he took out the last steak and thawed it in the microwave while making instant mashed potatoes and gravy in a can, no vegetable. His mother would have had a fit. He smiled and put the steak in the frying pan.

Adam called while he was eating. He wanted to move picking up the trash to Monday, which was tomorrow.
“Sure, but fair warning, the lawn clippings back is heavy, I think I know why it was still here, I don’t think dad could lift it. It fell apart on me and I had to re-bag it. It was so wet and gross Ididn’t want to move it to another bag.”
“It’s O.K., I can handle it.”
“I’ll put them out before I sleep today.”
“O.K.”

He hung up, now Adam would hopefully not bother to look in the bag. He finished his steak and decided to go shopping. When he got back he put the groceries away , moved the ashes to the ash bag, put the bags in the driveway, and went to bed.

Monday evening he woke up for work and the bags were gone. He had a message on the machine, he hit play:

“Hey.” It was Adam.
“The bag of lawn clippings was heavy you were right, I’m really glad you re-bagged it because it almost fell apart while I was getting ready to throw it into the landfill. I had to retie it. We should talk, in person.”

SHIT! Chris had a million things go through his head:
What did he see? Did he really put it in the landfill? Should he kill him too? No. He loved Adam.
Wait, he loved him?
Yeah, sure as shit he did, well that made matters worse.

But then why did he call him and not go tell the cops? He looked at the time of the message, 9am. It was 5pm now, if he had called them they would have been there ages ago, he was sure.

He called Adam.
“Hey, rather cryptic message, what’s up?”
“Can I come over there?”
“Um, sure?”
“Be there in ten.”
And he hung up.

Chris got the gun and loaded it. He didn’t want to have to use it. He also got the knife and put it in his pocket. He was as prepared as he could be.

The knock of the door startled him and Adam walked in, alone. He locked the door behind him.
Chris tried to keep this tone lighthearted “So, what is so important honey? I need to be getting ready for work.”
Adam looked Chris straight in the eyes and in a very serious tone started talking.
“That bag wasn’t old. You lied to me about the weekend, and this is the first time I have been to your house. Secrets don’t go over well with me. Do you remember the first night we met and you described a girl, Ramona or whatever?
“Ruby.”
Right, well this morning “Ruby” was in a garbage bag that I put in the landfill. I found her when I went to dump it like I said the bags
(I noticed you used three) ripped, you know what they ripped on? Nails. There was no one else there so I opened the bag farther and looked. I put two new bags from my trunk on HIM and went about dumping the bag like you asked.
I should have called the police, I should have kept the body, but I didn’t. I Love you, Chris. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But we can’t keep secrets. You either tell me what’s going on or I will turn you in.

Chris was dumbfounded, he’d found R. and still dumped him in the landfill, and he loved him?

He motioned to the couch and said “Do you remember when you asked if I’d had gay sex?”
Adam kept and even tone “Yes.“
That was him. He called himself R. he couldn’t call me back because he was here, dead, in my freezer.

“Tell me why.”
“I will, but let me call into work.”
He called in and then sat back down on the couch.

Chris went through the events of the last several months, all the while Adam nodded and asked questions. It took several hours, Chris cried, and he screamed, and he got angry. Adam listened to it all. He didn’t get up to leave, he didn’t cringe at the blood when Chris showed it to him. Chris got to the event’s of the day and ended with “…and then you came and now we are talking.“ he started to Cry. Adam held Chris and rocked him while he cried, when Chris was spent they went up to the bedroom and Adam held Chris and they slept, just slept in the same bed, like a child when they crawl into bed with mommy after a nightmare.

When he woke Adam had made coffee and was had chicken in the oven. He said:

“I’ve decided I won’t turn you in, but I need a favor.”
Chris was relieved but curious. He asked
“What?”
“Let me help you.”
“Help me?”
“Yeah, with planning, with cleanup, with alibi’s, everyone needs a sidekick.“
“You aren’t sick at the thought of me killing people?”
“everyone has dreamed of it at least once. Besides, I’ve talked to frind3, and he says the last few months you are like a new person, I like, no I love this new person, and if that’s what got this new person I intend to keep it going.” He paused for emphasis “Oh, and no more lies.” he kissed Chris on the mouth and then smiled.

Chris wasn’t sure if he was as crazy as he was, or what. But he didn’t care, Adam turned the chicken down and they went upstairs.

They came back down to almost overcooked chicken, and Chris had a glass of blood with dinner, Adam didn’t make any comment except for “That’s R’s?” Chris answered “Yeah, the last. This chicken is great.”
Like it was no big deal that Chris was drinking human blood at the table. Maybe it wasn‘t.

Wednesday came, Chris showed Adam Kris’s chat room, and the people there, he watched while they talked, and then had an idea. He made an account called TheOtherGuy and joined in, after about an hour in chat he asked the other about Kris in PM’s telling them he thought she was cute. They all told him she was dating Adam. He laughed and said. “This will be easier than I thought.”

After chat Adam said “Egorn is rude.”
“Yeah.”
“I bet I can find out about him.”
“That kind of defeats the purpose of getting them to let me come to their house.”
“Yes, but we are a team now, aren’t we?”
“I suppose, but I have this planned out very carefully, changing it without really going through it will get me caught.”
“You already got caught, by me.“
“I wouldn’t have if I could go to the dump myself.’
“True.”

They logged off and Adam went home to change for Roberto's and Chris went upstairs to take a bath, shave, and dress.
The new dress was stunning, the bustiere held up the balloons well, and the skirt flounced out. You could barely see the toes of the heels. The silver earrings looked nice with it, he put on the black wig and makeup. She had saved one of mother fur capes and put that on. Kris was sexy!
Adam showed up in a very nice suit and no tie. He whistled when he saw Kris, she blushed and sad "You look handsome too, but, no tie?”
“I didn’t know what color you were wearing, not that I do I can put one on really fast.” he went up and came back down in a deep blue tie that almost matched.

Roberto’s was fancy, and after they were seated Adam said “Your outfit is missing something.”
“It is?” She looked down self-consciously.
“Yes, here this might help.”
He handed he a small black box. She opened it, and gasped. It was a necklace, a handcrafted one with clear glass and black onyx beads and a silver pendant. She looked at Adam.
“It’s lovely.”
“Lets put it on you “
He took the necklace out of the box and fastened it around her neck. “It’s beautiful on you , do you like it?”
“Yes, I love it, thank you Adam.”

He reached in for a kiss, because they could. They didn’t see the waiter and he had to clear his throat to get their attention. They hadn’t even looked at the menu. Kris didn’t know what half of the items were when she did, a lot of French looking names. She looked at Adam and Adam said to the waiter “How about two steak and lobster dinners and a bottle of chateau filly wine?” Kris nodded and the waiter left.

The lobster was excellent as was the wine, they talked during dinner, about life, about the future, it was nice. After dinner they wanted to go for a stroll, but it was far to cold. A dress lets the air go right up your legs Chris found out, how do women not freeze?
They went back to Adams, it had been a nice night.

***

The rest of that month went pretty smoothly, adam went into the Kris chat with when Kris wasn’t there, and when he was. They went snow skiing, to dinner, to the movies.

Frind3 even came over a couple of times and they all played video games or went to the bar. Life was good, it scared Chris. Life had never been this good. Ever.

The time came for another supplement, that’s what Adam said. He had been “making friends” with Egorn he’d been very diligent, he’d gotten him to agree to go to a gun show together , in the next county over. Kris could bump into them somewhere close and they could go from there.

Go from there? Chris wasn’t sure about that idea. He’d been thinking and all the scenarios for “go from there” ended up in disaster. He argued with Adam. Their first real argument. They yelled at each other heatedly and Chris stomped out. Ten minutes later Adam came into the room to apologize.
“I’m sorry, you’re right, we do need a more thought out plan. How about I see if he’ll want to go somewhere after the show. You did that with R. right?”
“Yes, now that one I can plan.”

Adam went online, Egorn was playing a network video game, so was slightly distracted, but said drinks after the show sounded good.

Adam told him he’d let him get back to his game and he’d see him later. He told Chris “See. Fixed.“
“We’ll see.”

The day of the show came, Adam left and when Kris got up she got ready, she dressed in the plum dress this time and the blonde wig.
Adam texted at 6 pm.

“Show’s over , Morgan’s.”

Kris drove the hour to Morgans and walked inside. She went to the bar and ordered a light beer and went over to the watch the pool game. Egorn and Adam were playing. Egorn was winning. He didn’t even notice Kris was there at first, and when he did. He came over. He was drunk.
“Kris?” he said with incredulity.
“Yes, Egorm?” Kris said with (mock) surprise.
“I didn’t know you came here.
“I don’t , I decided to try something new. Who is your friend?”
“You’ve seen him in chat a couple times I think “TheOtherGuy”
“Oh, right, usually when I’m on my way out or in.”
Adam said “Hello.”
“Got a name?”
“Alan” Adam said.
“Hello, Alan.”
Egorn excused himself for the restroom and Adam stood in front of Kris while she added the drug to his drink. He came back and they were faking getting to know one another.

By the third game Egorn was having trouble and Adam suggested they drive him home.
“Thanks Alan, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I usually handle my liquor better than this. Must be something I ate.”

He took him to his car and Kris stayed in the bar and finished her drink. Adam text messaged about ten minutes later with an address and on her drive to it again with “He’s out cold.”

She pulled into the drive and Adam’s car was gone. He text messaged. “I’m watching, one dog, one neighbor home. Door is open.”

She went in and Adam had even moved Egorn to the bathtub. She text messaged “Did you touch him?”
“No, gloves”
“Good.”

Chris went to work, Adam kept watch. Four hours later Kris walked out of Egorn’s house.
Adam watched her put two bags in the car and drive away, he waited 15 minutes and followed.

Chris waited for Adam at his house, he needed to show him cleanup. Adam watched as Chris emptied the car, started the fire, put the clothes in the washer and showered. When he got out of the shower Adam said “You do know what you are doing.”
“We’ll see, I haven’t been caught, yet.”

Later that week there was an article in the paper about what seemed to be a new trend in suicides. Slitting your wrists and turning on the shower to ease in cleanup. Chris was mortified but Adam was pleased with it , he said “Don’t you see, the ones now will be blamed on this article, it’s perfect!”
“I, guess. It might be they change their mind if we do anymore here.”
“You want to go farther?”
“We might have to.”
“That might take some thinking”
“I know.”

But for this week it was time to have fun, Christmas was upon them and after Adam spent the actual day with his family he came over and spent the evening with Chris. He’d even brought leftovers. Adam’s mom actually knew how to cook turkey. Chris thought he hated turkey until he’d tried hers after he’d moved out.

They watched Christmas stry together on the couch. After the movie adam said he had a gift. He gave chris a box and said “well, it’s more for me.”
Chris gave him a confused look and started to open it, it was a teddy, with stockings and Garters. Chris blushed. Adam leaned in and kissed him and asked “So…can I see it?”

Kris came back down the stairs in the outfit and Adam made her turn around. He sang a few bars of All I Want For Christmas Is You as he came over to Kris and led her back upstairs.

When the were though Chris said “would you like you Christmas present now?”
He teased “I get one?”
“Of course!”
They put clothes on and headed back downstairs. Chris pulled a box out from under the tree.

Adam opened it with care, but as soon as he saw what was inside he squealed. “You remembered!”

It was an exact version of a lunchbox that Adam had gotten stolen from him in sixth grade. He hadn’t been able to find one.

“How on earth?”

“The chat room, they can be very helpful. I had them looking since you mentioned it, in fact, I didn’t even get a message about it until last week. I was scrambling for another present!”

The new year came and they went to a party. Friend3 was having one, he always had, they played video games and drank. At the stroke of midnight Adam stole a kiss, and so did friend3’s new girlfriend Mika. Chris wondered if there was any truth in the superstition, couldn’t hurt to hope.

Adam came to him the next week. “I've been in a new chat, a Nevada one, if we get a motel, it could work.

“But I have to interact with them, I didn’t like killing Egorn, it was too distanced.”

“So come to the room. We will do it your way first, and then we can fall back on another like Egorn.”
“O.K.”

Kris and Adam got on separate computers and logged on, Kris opened his regular chat first and made an appearance. By now everyone was really worried about R.

Since Chris knew his name he looked for any article about him. He found a blurb that he’d been reported missing and asked Adam to link it in the room, if they ask how come he knows him make something up. He did and Edi, Ash, and Iantirc all were sad. They talked about it for over an hour. Then the chat moved onto Sarah, and Egorn their death had been in the papers as a suicides.

Iantric: That’s two people from this room alone. It’s frightening.
Edi: Yeah, but people have RL too. This room isn’t the reason.
Ash: Yeah Ian, you read to much into things.
Pais: You never know when someone is going to do something unexpected. People have secrets, sometimes even from themselves.
Kris: Too true Pais.

The chat moved onto another subject and after about an hour Kris excused herself, saying she needed to do housework, and went to
the new one. It had more people, this was going to be slightly harder.
She uploaded the picture from the other room and went in. there were some nice people. He spent three hours in the chat. Eight people had Kris’s messenger address at the end of the night. This might be O.K.

By the middle January they had three possibles in Nevada, Kris chatted to them about frivolous things and Adam feigned being worried abut their safety and asking if they had dogs, what kind of area they lived in and so on. This partnership was going great.

Adam worked somewhere that he had access to a computer, so he chatted to some of them while Chris was sleeping, and catch him up when they saw each other, or when he logged on. Adam also had the luxury of weekends off, they spent every one together.

One guy in the Nevada chat had a gamer tag and the played with him several times. He was an ass during play though, didn’t give a shit about anyone else in the party. They kept playing with him to strengthen the trust.

This was going so well, It became almost mundane, January came and then, February, March, April, always a clean kill. By this time Friend3 had been made aware of the cross dressing, he’d caught them in a restaurant. He was taken aback, but not upset. They still did things together and Adam referred to the all as ‘a little family‘.

May came, beautiful weather, and a prime candidate named Candy. Candy was bubbly, young, and an utter idiot. Whenever anyone mentioned anything in chat she had to ask what it was. Chris couldn’t stand her. Kris asked if she wanted to go see some really stupid sequel. She did, she asked if they could go together and she said yes. She hoped the girl could drive.

The movie was stupid, and candy talked through most of it. Kris wasn’t sure if she’d have the patience to do it right. Adam texted her during. “Two dogs, lots of neighbors, back out.”
Kris texted back “no.”
Candy talked to her non stop after the movie too, all the way to the club. For a girls who had to ask what everything was in chat she sure could talk a lot!

Kris never got a chance to add the drugs to her drink, every time she had to pee, she literally drug Kris with her. By midnight Adam was getting worried. He text messaged “Where are you?”
“Still here, access denied”
“Suggest leaving anyway?”
“Yeah.”

Candy was a bit drunk, and Kris suggested they go and have some girl fun at her house. Candy like this idea and they left. Once at the house she still wouldn’t shut up, Kris couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed one of the pillows on the couch and reached up and hit her, starting a pillow fight. They hit each other for a couple of minutes running around the room chasing each other, and then candy tripped. It was what Kris was waiting for, she playfully got down on top of her pinning her arms against her sides still hitting her while candy rolled over giggling and squealing Stop! Stop! I lost my pillow!” Chris didn’t he pushed the pillow into her face, candy squealed, she kicked , she struggled, Kris had anger in his eyes, and hate. He pressed farther, she struggled less and less. And then quit struggling, he kept the pressure. When he realized what he’d done he checked for a pulse. None. Dammit! Not in the plan.
He text messaged Adam:
“Problem.”
“What?”
“Suffocated her.”
“Shit, you can’t leave now, three neighbors saw you walk in. Put movie on loudly, and sit for a bit.”
“I can still drain her, it just won’t look like suicide.”
“And suffocating her looks any better?”
“The draining will cause suspicion, you idiot!”
“Don’t call me that. You are the one who decided on this, after I told you no.”
“Fine. We’ll take her body home, drain it and put it in the dump.”
“like R.?”
“Yes.”
“You still need to sit for awhile, until these neighbors go to bed.”
“Right.”
“Chris put her gloves on and switched on the television, some beach movie was on, something stupid, he figured Candy would like it. He thought abut what he’d have to do when they got her home.

A half an hour later Adam text messaged.
“One down, two to go.”
“kk”

Adam sat in his car and watched, Kris sat in the living room with Candy’s dead body. They both were sweating. The movie ended and she text messaged Adam
”Safe yet?”
“No, this neighbor doesn’t sleep or something. But they did move to the back of their house, couple more minutes.”
“kk”
Fifteen more minutes went by Adam text messaged a simple “Now.”

He walked over to the house and let himself in, together they walked candy to the car. Kris was sure the looked like the guys in weekend at Bernie’s, but was to annoyed to laugh or even smile at the thought.

Adam drove home in front of them, watching for cops, it was a long ride home.

When they got to the house the sun was coming up the exposed parts of Kris’s body got red and blistered, she almost didn’t make it into the garage. When Adam walked into the garage he found Chris on the floor holding his face and making agonized sounds. The body would have to wait, he put Chris in the freezer, he actually didn’t know if it would help, he partially shut the lid with a coat in the way and looked at Candy’s body. How the hell did you drain a human? He supposed he could hang her like a chicken, and cut the jugular. But then he remembered that you usually get blood everywhere, but then the chickens are still alive and she was dead, so it could work. Couldn’t it?

He tied a rope around her legs and threw it up over the rafters. He should have used a pulley but there wasn’t one. He pulled until she was barely an inch of the floor and tied the rope to the car bumper.
He got into the purse, the IV port looked easy enough to use, he thought “Why don’t I just poke it into her jugular?” so he did. The flow was stronger than he expected and he had to hold it there, he looked around for something to hold it in and saw the duct tape on the shelf. He grabbed it and pulled some off, ripping the piece off with his teeth because his hand was otherwise occupied. It worked.

Chris called from the freezer. “I’m doing better. I need my salve.”
Adam opened it and looked at him “Sorry, didn’t know what to do. Where is it?”
“Top of the medicine cabinet, looks like orange hair gel.”
“O.K.”

He came back to the garage with the salve and Chris had gotten out of the freezer. He was looking at the way Adam had positioned candy.
“Not to bad, might get quite a bit before we have to pump her.”
“Pump her?”
“Well, it will all come out eventually, but after the first six pints or so, it goes much faster if you pump the heart“
“Ah, I see.”
You’d think they were talking about the weather or a fresh deer kill with the nonchalance they had. By this time perhaps it was. Adam took Chris in to help him change and put the salve on, after that they came back down, changed the bag, put another on the other side, and Adam said “Let’s have something to eat!”

They went in and Adam made tacos, as they were eating, he picked on Chris a bit. “Next time I tell you it’s a bad idea, will you listen to me?”
“She was just so annoying!”
“That emotion of yours is going to get us caught someday. I pick the next target.”
He sighed “O.K.”
The tacos were excellent though. Halfway through his third one he went to check on Candy, the one bag was overfull and had leaked, the other was just about to “Shit!” he yelled and Adam came out. They each grabbed one of them to try and stop anymore from leaking. Both of them got blood all over there outfits, the tape stuck to her skin very well and by the time they pulled it off there was quite bit of blood on the floor.
“Adam said “Did this happen with R. ?”
“No, I sat out here with him, and I should have this time too! It’s your fault!”
“excuse me, you could have had me bring it to you.”
“You could have suggested it!”
“I never watch you do this part! How was I supposed to know?”
Chris thought about that, he really didn’t , he calmed down and said “I’m sorry, I’ve just upset, this one had not gone well at all. It is my fault.”
Adam pulled him to him he thought it had been going well up to this point. He could see why he was upset. He said “It’ll be better next time, you’ll see.”
They held each other for several minutes and then Chris said. “We should burn these.” “Yes. You go and change. I’ll watch the bags, and then I will.”

Chris went in and built a large hot fire. He put in the shirt and first let it get going and then the sweats. He went up and took a shower, dressed and checked the fire and came back out. When he did Adam had mopped up most of the blood with towels and was changing the bags again. They had five now. Chris sat with the body while Adam went to do what he’d just done. Chris’s clothes looked a but funny on him though arms and legs were two short. He looked like Jethro off Beverly Hillbillies in the suit that was far too small. Chris laughed and called him such. He then asked “How’s the fire?’
“Going well should be able to put the towels in soon, but not all at once. “
“DUH.”
They rest of the morning the took turns watching an changing the bags, on ninth bag it became drizzle so Adam let the body down and they turns pumping her heart, it went much faster with both of them doing it.
The last bag was the tenth, and they put her in the freezer checked the fire, put the last towel on it , and went to bed.

***

Chris woke up starving, He went down to make some breakfast. As he was eating his stomach began churning and the events of last night started closing in on him.

Had he really killed him? Had it really been that easy?
Had he left any traces? Would the cops show up?

A sound started in his ears, a buzzing, which grew louder and became voices overlapping one another.
His mother : You are such a bad boy, sinful, spawn of Satan.
R. crying: I…don’t…want…to…dieeee!!
Friend3: You can tell me anything, you really can.
Stew: Pussy, faggot, ass munch, gay wad, butt fucker…
Dad: Son, now don’t cry, it’s just rabbit…
Stevie: I can help you, it’s O.K.

And more, voices he didn’t even know, couldn’t recognize, over and over, louder and louder, like the loudest dinner party you’d even been to. He screamed threw his plate across the room and covered his ears. He ran up the stairs to the bathroom and lost his breakfast, big wrenching heaves. It hurt!

He hit the wall, the door, he went to hit the mirror and caught his half made-up smudged face in it. That did it, he started bawling. Just crumpled into a fetal position on the floor and bawled, and screamed and hollered. He cried for over an hour, until it just became a whine, close to what a scared puppy would sound like.

The cat came into the room and rubbed against him and purred. This brought him back to the day, his life. The voices had left. He got up, showered and dressed.

The answering machine was blinking when he went downstairs. He pressed play.
“DUDE!” It was friend3 “I had the strangest thing happen, remember Adam? He was in the store the other day and came over and asked if I was friend3. DUDE! he remembers us, he even asked about you and wants to go play pool or something. It was so strange, I told him we had just been talking about him the other day. He acted like he’d forgotten about smokers corner it until I mentioned it. Anyway, call me.” He paused. “I miss you.”

That was the only message. Chris thought about friend3, he had been preoccupied. Maybe they could go do something, but not today. Today he had to show up in chat and ask about R. Today he had to make sure there were no traces in the car. Today, he had to decide a better place than the freezer for him. Today he had to be Chris, and Chris only. Because Chris always finishes what he starts.

The house was still a partial mess, notes upon notes , about contingencies with R. It had gone so well, he hadn’t even needed half of them, but it never hurts to be prepared. He put them in the fireplace.
He went upstairs and grabbed everything he’d worn to R.’s and put it in the washer, checking for blood as he was, there was none.

He took the little steam cleaner out to the car, he set the mats aside for the clothes washer. He cleaned the floorboards on the passenger side first, then the rest of the carpets. He went and got some armor all and went over every crevice of the vinyl seats, and the dashboard, and the door handles.

Maybe he was being worrying to much, but being caught because one of R.’s hairs was in the car or some stupid thing was not going to happen. The water was quite black, evidently he hadn’t done that in quite awhile.

With the car clean and the washer going, he decided to try eating again, this time it stayed down. He stared at the wall and thought. If he went t the bar with frind3 and Adam, would they see through? Would he even be able to? No, too soon, maybe next weekend, when the initial worry had subsided a bit. Though he’d planned well, he’d seen enough cop shows to know there is always something someone forgets. It nagged him. He went over it again in his mind. He hadn’t touched anything until after the gloves were on, except the sheets, and you can’t get prints from sheets. He’d combed his hair so much before hand there is no way he lost any loose ones, if he did leave any, they’d be from the wig.
He knew he hadn’t left any blood, and even if he did, it wasn’t enough to cause worry, everyone cuts themselves, and that what it would look like. He was sure.
There had been no barking dogs, no nosy neighbors, no roomates. He’s even left a “window” for the nosy neighbor, to have a car leave.

THE CAR. They’d notice it was still there!
Wait, wait. They’d assume they took the new person’s car.
They also would assume he left with a girl, depending on how secretive R. was, it might take them awhile to even figure out he’d been with a girl that night, Alex had become a very important part of the puzzle. He believed.

The ride home, had been uneventful. He didn’t speed, he used his signals. Cops didn’t even see him. Though he had the speech all practiced to explain why he had a passed out person who looked like death in the passenger seat. He originally was going to put him in the trunk, but that would have had no explanation.

The license plates, they needed to be gone. He went out to the car, removed them and put the originals back on. Should he put them in the well? He was nervous having them on the property, if someone had bothered with the plates, and they were gone of Dad’s old truck he could say they were stolen. That was the plan, anyway.

He unlocked the freezer, R. was still so peaceful looking, though his skin was now snow-white, Chris put the plates beside him. Looking at him lying there, he got a pang of guilt. But he pushed it away by saying out loud to the body ”You shouldn’t threaten people you know nothing about.”

He stared at the body for another second. What the hell was his name anyway? He went to feel around for a wallet, stopped himself and said aloud “Dumb shit.” he went in and put gloves on. Then went back to get into R’s wallet. He took it out and looked at it. The picture on in was old, but definitely R. He was supposed to have glasses, uh-oh he wondered if anyone would notice that? Most people with glasses take them when they go for a few days.
He found his name. He had to read it twice. Even then he wasn’t sure he said it correctly. No wonder the guy didn’t use it, why on earth did his parents do that to him?

Margo coming into the garage made him realize he was in the middle of the garage looking at the license of the guy he’d killed
(and fucked) the night before.

FUCK!

He put the license back in the wallet the wallet back in the pocket and R. back down into the freezer with a thud.

He locked it. He thought about what to do. He couldn’t dump him in the well. He thought about how often people came out to see him. Friend3, and that was it. He decided rather than risk taking him somewhere he’d leave him be for now. Unless things changed.


It was 4pm, but he’d woken extremely late, so he was still up. He was on the last of the old blood. He got a very large mug for it and came downstairs.

He went to the computer. He wanted to just forget about it all. He didn’t even open any messengers. He went to you tube. His subscriptions were full, but he really didn’t want to watch any of them. He went looking for that song they’d heard in “The Empire”
Two videos came up. The album version and a cover, by some guy calling himself Dr. Noise. He decided to click on the cover - just to see.

It was damn good, in fact he went to the channel and watched several of his songs, The guy could actually sing.
He spent about an hour on them. The guy even had an EP. He ordered it, he absolutely loved one of the songs, called Regret. It was acoustic with a mellow feel and heartfelt lyrics.

Do you remember my fading light?
You know the one you left beh…ind
I wish... to.... see
Just what's wrong with me?

Have you forgotten anyone?
Is there anybody out there?
Well, I... Don't... Mind
Admit...You’re...Blind
...and you'll see.

Is there anybody listening to my voice?
The wind is overwhelming me
I bow my head as the speed picks up
regretfully...

Is there anybody listening to my cries?
The wind is overwhelming me
I turn my head and find you've gone...
Where have you gone?

Do you remember the day I died?
You know the one you left behind
Oh I wish... you'd.... see
Just what's wrong with me...

Have you forgotten anymore?
Is there anybody out there?
Well I... don't...mind...
Admit...you’re...Blind
...and you'll see.

Is there anybody listening to my voice?
The wind is overwhelming me
I bow my head as the speed picks up
regretfully...

Is there anybody listening to my cries?
The wind is overwhelming me
I turn my head and find you've gone...
Where have you gone?


This is what he wanted to lose himself is something normal, a new obsession. The washer had finished awhile ago, and he put the mats in. But after this, the next would be smoother. The next? Of course the next. Can’t slack now. This won’t last forever.

Chris held his head, all this thinking as giving him a headache. He took some Percocet he’d stolen from work. This got rid of the headache and took off the edge. He didn’t care about the body in the garage, the fact he’d had gay sex, his mother’s voice telling him he was a bad boy. He decided to watch television instead. He didn’t even really know what the show was, but it was funny and that’s what he needed right now.

Mt Ian was still in the chair, he held him and pretended for just a few minutes, he was ten again. Before the disease, before Craig, before his mother hated him. He wished he could be there again.
Kris hummed in his ear, part of a song from Nathaniel the Grublet

“Some day, somehow, things are going to change I know…Keep on smiling, even if you’re feeling low, somewhere someone’s gonna show you what to do, something great is gonna happen soon to you.”
He hadn’t heard that song since he was ten, Craig had had the album. His mother wouldn’t hear of it. Though it was Christian, they talked about a forest where you could disappear, (Direwood) and she instantly thought “Magic! Magic is the devil!”

He fell asleep in the chair. He woke about an hour later to the phone, he ran upstairs and answered it.

“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Sheriff Coswell, over here at…”
His voice droned on but Chris put his hand over the receiver, he was breathing heavily, he started sweating, he thought : Could they know already? How the hell? Do I run? Do I stay put? I know, I act like everything is fine, that’s it.
He controlled his breathing and uncupped the phone as the sheriff continued : “…and we just wanted to let you know there have been some break-in’s around. Three in the last week. On the outlying farms. Just wanted you to be extra sure to lock your doors. And to call if you see anyone suspicious.”
“Alright sheriff, thank you very much. Goodbye.”

He hung up the phone, and looked down, he’d peed again! He never had that problem before, and then twice after he moved home. It was annoying to say the least, and embarrassing.

He went up for another shower, He stood in the water for a long time. Trying to get a hold of all the feelings he had going on inside.

He redressed after the shower and went down to feed Margo. He put the food in her bowl and checked the time. Nine pm. Better make an appearance in chat. He opened up the friends chat.

Sarah: Well, you can’t be sure of anything.
Edi: People can be deceiving.
Kris: Hello, what’s the topic?
Iantric: Someone lied to someone and gained access to their info and scammed them here. It scared me.
Egorm: Guess they should have checked them out more.
Salem: I make sure I really know someone before giving out any info.
Kris: Me too. There have been some recent break-ins here. Local sheriff called today. It was odd.
Ash: You never really know anyone though.
Huluman: You worry too much, most people are fine!
Iantric: Well, I can say it has never happened to me, everyone I’ve met online has been very nice.

They talked for a half hour, then Kris decided to see what happened if he mentioned R. To test the waters, so to speak.

Kris: R. isn’t here, I just noticed.
Ash: He hasn’t been for a couple days. Probably out having RL times.
Huluman: I bet he’s getting laid! LOL
Iantric: He does disappear, did you need him for something Kris?
Kris: No, just felt bad it took me this long to notice.

Chris was thinking that it was good he hadn’t told any of them about the meeting it seemed, and that they were used to him disappearing. No one was worried. He felt a bit better.

Edi: He mentioned a movie with friends the other night. That was the last time I saw him.
Ash: 2012, I think? I’m sure we’ll get a report on how shitty or good it was.
Huluman: Hope so, might go see it if he liked it.
Egorm: R. watches shit movies. LOL
Sarah: I don’t want to see it, I heard it’s sad.

The chat went onto movies. No one was worried about him, no one even seemed to know who he’d gone with. Hopefully his real friends were as oblivious. He’d counted on R. being the same across the board, and so far he seemed to be right.

He chatted awhile longer, some private chat with Sarah, Salem and Iantric. He was thinking already about who was next. Once you start, it’s hard not to; apparently.

He also wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to go fromthis chat. But then the next time wuld be aother suicide like stevie, and non of them knew stevie. It was different enough. He was distracted by these thoughts and hadn’t spoken for a bit.

Iantric asked him: You there? Fall asleep on us?

Kris: No, got distracted. http://www.youtube.com/doctornoise
Kris: He can sing, and he’s cute! J

The chat went on about you tube for awhile, turns out most of them had used it. Iantric even made videos. That just took him off the list. Too many people to notice him being gone.

Chris was going to have to think about this one.

He was also really tired, it had been a long couple of days. He went to bed.

When he woke, it was around 4 pm. He called the sheriff, and told him he thought it was odd, but that the license plates on Dad’s old truck were gone, and had no idea how long they had been gone. Didn’t even notice it until yesterday, and only because he’d wanted to use it. Could he still use it? Sure, sheriff knew the truck, not a problem. The Sheriff thanked him, and asked if he wanted someone to come out. No, no, it was fine. Just thought you’d like to know.

He hung up, and smiled, he liked the rash of thefts, it helped him. This was going to be a good week. He made steak and egg breakfast and got a large mug of new blood. R’s blood. It tasted different than Stevie’s, still of iron, but not as thick. The color was also lighter.

He went to the dryer, the clothes were done, he put the mats in. They thumped around as he headed upstairs to put the clothes in mothers room. Kris had been pretty quiet, but she nudged him. “Why do you separate me? I am always here.”
“You are not.”
“Yes I am, pretty soon you won’t even think of me separately anymore. Already, we think together.”
Chris threw the clothes on the bed and looked in the mirror.
“No, I am Chris.”
“WE are Kris.”
She had him imagine them together, side by side, and then she had him visualize her climbing inside him.
As much as this terrified him (seeing something in the mirror that wasn’t really there) it also had a strange calming affect. This room was much bigger than the downstairs one, it had a mirror . Maybe, maybe they’d just move into this room. Yes, yes that sounded like a plan. No one would think it was odd. After all they were both dead, it only made sense. Right?

He went down and got some boxes from the garage. He put all Mother’s clothes in them. Everything out of the closet, pant suits, dresses, blouses. Nothing Kris liked, all old fashioned and extremely prudish. Shoes too. All of Dad’s clothes too. Then the dressers. Everything out of them, underwear, socks. Old dead make-up. It filled ten apple boxes.

He brought his clothes up, filled Dad’s dresser with Chris things, and put Kris’s thing’s in Mother’s side.

Taking the boxes out to the garage, he thought he would just drop them off at the thrift store when he work the next day, he put them on the freezer to transfer to the truck when the sun went down.
Looking at the freezer made him think of R. Such an asshole. Such a beautiful man. He definitely knew what he was doing in bed. Dammit, now he had a hard on.

He went and found his picture. He went up to their new room. He decided he’d christen it. It no longer was his parent’s room, it was their’s. He taped R’s picture to the mirror and stared at it as he masturbated in the bed. Take that Mother! It felt so good. So freeing. So what if he was using a picture of the dead guy in his freezer. So fucking what?

He came and wiped it into the sheets, the room had been a bit stuffy, now it smelled stuffy and like cum. He looked at the bedside clock. Eight o‘clock, he could open the windows and let it air out a bit. He did, but he couldn’t leave them open for long. Snow was coming, he could feel it. It was bitter cold.

He went down and had dome luch, and got ready for the work week, put a load of scrubs in, took the firplace ashes out to the garbeg. He noticed he still had the bag form a month ago sitting there. He needed to do something about that, but a dump run for one bag? He set the ashes next to it and figured it could wait.

He finished cleaning the pile in the kitchen up, he’d been piecing things out of it since he made the mess, pulling out forks (or a knife, or a spoon) and then when they were washed putting them in a drawer. When he found something he didn’t want anymore it went into a box for the thrift store. There were two, almost full now, side by side under the table. They could go tomorrow too.
His mother had some odd gadgets, and things for canning he would never use, that was easily a quarter of the pile, and took up almost a whole box by itself. He wasn’t even sure anyone could even use the pectin or the pickling spice anymore, but he put them in anyway.

The living room was next, the Manga was still in piles on the floor. He picked them up and put them back in order on the bookshelf, flipping through his favorites as he was. He really did need to order the new issue of Bleach. He got two more boxes out of the garage and brought them in, all the books of his mothers that had been on the shelf made it into them, things like “The Purpose Driven Life’ and “I Want To Enjoy My Children” and some he had no idea what they were, all Christian based, some downright extremist.

***

The week went well at work, he dropped off the boxes at the thrift store on Monday and no one seemed to even notice he had no plates. At work he got the Heme, and with R’s blood in the mornings, he had so much energy it was amazing. He cleaned the whole house, throwing a bunch of his parents things out, after all it was his house now. He didn’t even dress as Kris, it was as if he put her in a box for a while. Though he did go into the chat a few times. On Thursday in chat Sarah mentioned R. Ash agreed he’d never been offline this long, but they weren’t all that worried, thinking maybe his computer died, or the new friend ( if he had one) was more interesting than the computer still. This was good for Chris.

He called Friend3 back on his lunch ( which was around midnight, but he’d be up).

“Hey.”
“Hi! Did you get my message about Adam?”
“Yes, does he still want to do something? I feel like getting drunk this weekend.”
“Actually we already have a tentative plan for tomorrow, I’m sure he’d love to add you. He seemed really interested when I mentioned you, like how you turned out and stuff I guess.”
“Yeah, well he saw how Mother reacted to him.”
“Yeah. Anyway…Friday at Bill’s play darts or pool or… something, yeah?”
“Sounds good, can you pick me up?”
“Sure, um…8pm?”
“Sure.”

They talked for almost all of his lunch, they really needed to do that more often. Why would Adam be so interested? Well, he did just move back according to Friend3, maybe he just didn’t know many people? Yeah, that had to be it.

Friday evening came, Chris showered and shaved, and really wanted to put make-up on. He honestly looked plain to himself now without it. Hell. Why not? A bit of eyeliner. Not like no one had ever done that before. Friend3 wouldn’t care, he knew that, but he’d ask about it.

Frind3 pulled up and honked at five to eight, they were going to meet Adam there. All he said about the eyeliner was “Looking a bit emo tonight, huh?” in a half teasing half-questioning tone.
“Men can wear eyeliner, you know.”
“Yes, I know, just never seen you do it. It actually looks pretty good.
“Thanks.”
“Did they change your supplement or something? You look really good, I mean all of you, you sounded happier on the phone yesterday than I’ve heard you in ages.”
“I’ve just been working through some things I guess, eating more, maybe that’s it?’
“Maybe.” But he sounded uncertain. Friend3 was not one to push Chris. He’d tell him the real reason someday.


The bar was crowded, so crowded in fact they couldn’t get a pool table or a dart board for a half hour. But it gave them time to talk.
Adam really did seem interested in how Chris was doing , said he wished they could have been friends before, was sorry the parents died, asked about what Chris did on his time off. He had a bit of an insomnia problem, which meant they might actually be awake more of the same times than he and Friend3 were. Chris thought it was nice, but a bit strange that he was being SO interested. Maybe he was just paranoid, after all anyone who showed interest before would either be instantly put off by the Prophyria, be unavailable because of the night shift hours he was awake, or his mother hated when he was younger. That was it, he decided.

The dart game went well, Friend3 winning the first game and Chris the second. Adam did get some good shots though. They moved onto pool. While they were playing Kris whispered “He’s cute.” Chris agreed, but he wasn’t about to share about Kris in a public bar, he doubted Adam was gay, anyway. Kris said “how would you now?” She was right, how would he know? He himself hadn’t even been with a man until last week. Damn her, he’d been avoiding thinking of that quite successfully. Thing was he’d liked it, a lot.
He must have looked like he was thinking because Frind3 tapped him on the shoulder, “Dude, your shot.”
“Oh, sorry.” he took his shot. It was an easy one and he missed. Adam teasingly said “ Got someone on the brain? Is she cute?”
Chris answered “Um, yeah, sorry,”
That was a mistake, now they both pestered him.
Friend3 said “Oh, so that’s why you’ve been so happy!” and Adam chimed in with “What does she look like? Do we get to meet her?”
Shit, he had to think fast. He quickly turned R. into a girl.
“She’s sexy, emo looking, deep dark brooding eyes, nice to talk to.”
Friend3 “Where’d you meet her?”
“Internet, where else?”
“She have a name?
“Ruby”
“Pretty name. Have you met her in person yet?”
“Yes, went to a movie. It was nice.”
“Did you fuck?
Chris turned red. “Yes, yes we did.”
He wasn‘t lying, but Friend3 gave him a strange look, like he thought he was. He ignored it.
What he said was “Now I understand the eyeliner!”
Adam laughed and said “ Well, it does bring out your eyes, I bet she likes that.”
Chris laughed and said “She does like the make-up.”
Friend3 looked right at him and said in mock seriousness “Careful, she’ll turn you full emo on us!”
They all laughed and continued with the game. Adam won. So he and Friend3 played while Chris watched. It was almost eleven by now and Adam said “I hate to cut the night short, but I have to be up tomorrow. I’ll catch you two later.”
Before they said goodbye Adam asked Chris for his messenger address. He said he’d add him and they could talk online sometime.

He and Friend3 decided to leave too. Friend3 had a new video game he wanted to play, and Chris hadn’t been over in ages.

When they got to the house Friend3 made them some drinks and put in the game. It was a first person shooter, fantasy type game with good graphics, Chris was enjoying it.
After about a half hour Friend3 turned to him and said
“Out with it, I’ve been friends with you a long time. Is she real?”
“Of course Robin is real!.”
“Robin? You called her Ruby at the bar. Something about your story seems off, Chris. We’ve been friends for long enough now. I know you aren’t telling me something.”
“ She goes by R., she hates her real name.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know.”
“You had sex with her and you don’t know her name? I don’t believe you, I think you do…and Chris that has to be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
“We discussed diseases, we had some trust built up.”
“You better hope she was telling the truth.”
Mow, what is it you don’t want to tell me, I’ve bee through shit with you: your mom, the Prophyria. Dude, you are excluding me here, I don’t like it.”

Chris thought about that. They had been through a lot, he was always there. He knew he couldn’t tell him about the killing. But maybe he could tell him about the other. Besides he was feeling pretty drunk and that made it easier too.
“I’m sorry, I just, I just, I’m not even sure about it.”
“About what Chris? I am your friend, you know that.”
“I know.”
“R.’s real name is…is…Frances.”
“Lots of girls are named Frances.” he looked at Chris , still perplexed.
“Frances Herbert Rushton.”
“They named her Herbert?” he was still confused.
“No.”
Friend3 seemed to suddenly realize.
“OH….they named HIM Frances.”
“…Yeah…” Chris was fiddling with the controller and not looking at Friend3.
“No wonder you were so embarrassed at the bar, I’ve never seen you that red before when discussing sex!” he laughed. Then quieted. In a serious voice he said:
“How long have you been gay?”
“I’m not sure I even am.”
“O.K., well did you…did you like the sex?”
“Um…yeah, yeah I did.”
After a pause of a least a minute , Chris said
“Did I weird you out?”
“No, no, sorry. I’m just trying to decide something.”
“Oh?”
“You want me to go?”
“Nothing like that, why should that make any difference? I am and always shall be your friend.”
He reached over and hugged him. Chris hugged him back. Kris said in his mind. ”I knew he was cool.”

Chris noticed it was about 2 am, he wanted to go home. But Friend3 was still quite drunk and told him he could crash on the couch. He brought him a pillow and blanket. He also covered the windows for the sun in the morning. Chris thought “He really is okay with this.” It made him feel better.


Friend3 slept late. It was almost noon when he roused himself. He found Chris in the kitchen making a sandwich.
“Hey.’
“Want one?” Chris gestured to the freshly made ham and cheese with a mustard covered knife.
“NO, my stomach couldn’t handle it right now, but thanks”
“What were you trying to decide last night? It’s been bothering me.”
“Nothing important, I swear.”
Chris frowned. He wasn’t sure Friend3 was being truthful, but he figured he dropped a pretty big bomb on him last night, so he let it slide.
“Oh, O.K. Ready for a rematch on that new game?”
“Sure!”

They played for several hours, not really talking all the much but just enjoying their friendship. At around four Chris said ”I’m hungry.” In truth he was pretty tired, he didn’t realize how much the blood had been helping him stay level.
“Yeah, I think I could eat. Tacos?”
“Can you make tacos?”
“Like I cook, drive-through!”

Chris wrote down what he wanted and Friend3 left for the local taco bell. While he was gone Chris was thinking about blood, about how much it had become a necessity, about who his next victim would be, about how he needed to apply what he’d learned from R. He also thought he’d better practice with Kris, before the weekend was gone.

When Friend3 came back he knocked (so Chris could hide when he opened the door) waited about thirty seconds and then came in.
He had everything Chris had asked for, and they ate in relative silence for a few minutes.
Friend3 broke it with “So, been to the new bar yet?”
“There’s a new one?”
“Yeah , Baskby’s or something, Adam was talking about it. I guess they have more pool tables than Bill’s. Wanna go tonight? Check it out?”

Chris though about that, he did, but he thought a new bar would be a really good place to practice with Kris. He said:
“Not tonight, are you and Adam going?
“Hadn’t discussed it. Honestly with his hangover I really don’t want to go either.”

Chris looked at the clock and said “Sun’s down soon”
“I’ll take you home when it’s down all the way. Sorry you got stuck here.”
“At least you understand why I don’t like to spend the night.”
“I remember the very first party we went to after you moved out - and your blisters. Fucking idiot Gordon, didn’t even seem to notice.”

The sun went down and Friend3 took him home. The first thing he did when he got in was lock the door and get a large glass of blood. Then he took a long hot bath and shaved his legs and underarms, not nearly as much growth this time. It went much easier. He spent some time on his face (he hadn’t put anything all week but eyeliner yesterday) but every time he got better at it. He decided the black wig tonight, so coloured his eyebrows and used black mascara for his lashes.
He out on the bra, the jello boobs, and the tape. He made the tape slightly tighter this time, they looked better than the last time. He continued getting dressed. Nylons, shirt, skinny jeans, green bangles, necklace, earrings, socks, the shoes. When he put the Wig on and looked in the mirror, they smiled back at him. Kris and Chris. She didn’t seem like an intrusion anymore, more a friend, long been hiding. They went to paint their nails as they hummed a happy tune.

They finished getting ready, and realized they’d forgotten to ask where the bar was. Lucking the internet yellow pages had an answer. It was on the north dies of town. Chris hardly went there. Good.
When Kris got to the bar she pulled around back, just in case someone did recognize the car. The bar was bright, it had a 50’s diner theme. Kris wasn’t sure how out of place she’d look, but went in anyway. She surveyed her surroundings. There was a jukebox in the corner and about eight pool tables. Some booths on the edges of a small dance floor and a stage. They even had some food items. She went to the bar and ordered a sex on the beach and some deep fried mushrooms. Kris choose a booth where she could see the pool tables and decided to watch. No one so far seemed to doubt her. That was good.

A red head and his girlfriend were playing against an older man with a beard and his friend. Redhead was winning. They’d all had several drinks and were good natured. The girl noticed Kris watching and at the end of the match came up to the bar to order another drink and asked her:

“You like pool?”
“I’ve played a bit, not very good.”
“Me neither but Ralph wanted to check out the new bar, you know how that goes.” she rolled her eyes and smiled.
“Where is your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have one right now.”
“Really? A pretty thing like you?”
She raised her voice “Ralph? Ralph!”
“What?” He looked over at them.
“Kris doesn’t have a boyfriend, can you believe that?

Now Ralph wasn’t sure how to answer. If he said yes, he’d hurt Kris’s feelings but make Cindy happy. If he said No, then Cindy would say he liked Kris more than she. He went with a neither and said “Huh.” in a thinking voice and rubbed his chin.
The bearded man (Gus) said “Let her play pool then!”
The other friend said “Yeah, I can sit out. Girls against guys might be fun to watch.
Kris giggled, looked at Cindy and said “Are they serious?”
“Yes. It’ll be fun come on!”

And so Kris ended up in a game of pool girls against guys, on the girls side. It was a good thing he really was bad at pool. They obviously lost, but it was fun!

She sipped her drink and nibbled on the mushrooms between shots. She ordered a light beer. This was going so well. Her confidence was through the roof. She even went into the ladies room with no hesitation at all. That went much faster than before as well. She was figuring this out!

When she got back to the booth there was someone new at the bar, she didn’t take notice of him much, she was headed back to the pool table. But he noticed her!

You hardly see any blue eyed black haired girls, she had nice legs and tits too. He ordered a Sloe Gin Fizz. He watched her walk over to the table. She didn’t seem to “be with” any of the others. Good sign. He watched them fish the game and then took a chance He walked over to her

Kris had just scratched, again, but she was having fun ad didn’t care. A voice behind her said. “can I buy you a drink?”
Adam? Coulfn’t be.
She turned around, it indeed was Adam. What did she do? Say yes, say no. She stole a glance at Cindy, she smiled and almost imperceptibly nodded.
Kris steadied herself and said “I could use another beer.”
He went to get the beer and Kris was almost panicking. He could blow this. Why did he want to buy her a drink. Did he know?
The game was over when Adam came back Kris said “thanks you, have a name?”
“Adam. I heard them calling you Kris.” he smiled.
“Yes, Kris.”
They made their way to Kris’s booth. She was till so nervous. He was going to ask questions, questions she may not be able to answer.
He did start off with the normal ones, where was she from did she live here, did she have a boyfriend. Kris tried to answer with vague yet somewhat specific answers.
He them asked if she wanted to dance. Kris said yes but Chris was afraid it was to talk to him in private.
Adam put on a slow dance song on the jukebox. He pulled Kris onto the floor and while they danced he said “You are really pretty, but I bet everyone tells you that.”
“Thank you.”
By this time Kris was feeling pretty uninhibited, Adam wasn’t far behind. He got bit ass grabby, so Kris did too. Chris wasn’t worried anymore about him telling on him, he seemed to not know at all.

They got closer as the song changed, Kris put her arms around Adams neck and he played with her hair. He whispered in her ear.
“Want to get out of here?”
OH, shit. Passing was one thing, but that was something he was not prepared for. He said:
“I can‘t.”
Adam got a perplexed look on his face and said “You came with someone?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
Chris tried to think fast, what was a good excuse? But before he could think of anything to say Adam kissed him, well he kissed Kris rather. He was a damn good kisser. Cindy (who was pretty drunk herself) yelled at them over the song “Adam and Kris , whoo!”
Adam started to make a play for the breasts, Chris caught that and moved the roving hands to his bottom. Kris said “Later.”
“So now there is a later?”
“Yes.“

Chris was so mad at Kris! What the hell was she doing, as soon as he figured out Kris was not really a girl, any number of things could happen. This was turning into a bad, bad, bad idea!

The last song came up on the jukebox ‘Goodnite sweetheart, goodnite’ by the Spaniels. When it was over Adam again suggested leaving, and this time a slightly (or maybe more than slightly) drunk Kris said “Yes.”

Chris realized he had no idea where he lived. “Maybe I should just follow you in my car?”
“You…could…but it’s just up the street.”
“How far?”
See the apartments across the way?”
“Yes.”
“ Fourty-three.”
“Oh,…do you do this a lot?”
“No, this bar is new…all the others I do have to drive to. Why?”
“Just wondered.”

They walked close to each other , it was cold. When they got to number Fourty-three Adam unlocked the door and let Kris in first. She looked around. It was nice, freshly painted walls. You could tell he spent a lot of time on his computer; the desk was piled with papers, soda cans, and coffee cups. But the rest of the apartment was very clean.

Adam walked over to the computer and put on some soft music, he said “I have it all hooked together.”

It sounded really good, he had decent speakers. Chris was still trying to figure out how to exit gracefully. Why in the fuck did Kris say yes? She had nothing with her. So you got him to take you home. Good. Experiment OVER. Right?

He could say he was sick and go. Go to the bathroom and crawl out the window? Maybe. They were four stories up though, the landing would possibly break his leg, or worse. Adam came over and pulled her onto the couch, this time he really got into the kiss, and after the third put off of roving hands by Kris he got a bit annoyed.
“Why do you keep doing that?”
“Because.”
“Why?”
“You may not like what you feel.”
He looked at her strangely and said ”Boobs are boobs…” and went to cop a feel again. Chris was ready to spring, he could either piss him off and push him away again. Or piss him off that they weren’t real. By this time he really didn’t care. Adam was a damn good kisser. The alcohol had made Kris very willing to just let things flow.

His hand moved up to Kris’s right breast, felt, stopped , felt again and pulled out of the kiss. He looked at her and said “Mastectomy?”
“Not exactly…”
He looked at her confusion written on his face. He said “Well, what then?”
Chris got off the couch and looked at the door. “ I shouldn’t have come, I knew you’d be mad. I’ll go.” and turned to walk out. Adam Grabbed her by the wrist. “But, I still like you.”
Chris stopped. Would he. Would he really? He looked at Adam, right into his hazel eyes and said:
“My boobs aren’t the only fake thing about me.”
“I knew the hair wasn’t as soon as I touched it. But I let it slide.”
Chris sighed , this was not what he was expecting. Kris said
“Do you know what a transvestite is?”
Adam was dumbfounded. “You aren’t a boy!”
“Yes, yes I am, don’t I look the least bit familiar?”
Adam looked at Kris, like a little boy who didn’t believe there was no Santa. “No, should you?”
Chris pulled Adam’s hand out of his and walked closer to the door, he put his hand on the door handle, ready to bolt. He went back to his regular voice and said:
“The dart game yesterday was fun.”

Adam didn’t come rushing at him like he thought, he just sat there staring. After several excruciating seconds he said “Well, I never would have known it. You didn’t know I was going to be there, did you?”
Chris still had his hand on the door handle. “No, I should have said no to the drink. I’m sorry Adam. It was not my intent to let it get this far. ”

“Why didn’t Friend3 tell me?”
“He, he doesn’t know.”
“So…are you gay or just a cross-dresser?”
“I’m…not sure.”

This conversation was not going anywhere he thought it would. He fully expected Adam to be angry he lied, or angry he believed, or angry at him. Period.

“Why aren’t you mad?”
“Because it wasn’t like you intentionally lie to me Chris. Didn’t Friend3 tell you I’m bi?”
“No, no he didn’t.”
Chris thought: That must have been what he didn’t want to talk about this morning! Friend3 was always so careful about things.
“You, you are?”
He adopted a playful tone as he got up and reached for Kris. “Yeah. Now come back here…”
Kris let him, and Adam kissed him again, sat him on the couch and said “What do you know?”
Kris was confused. ”About what?” The alcohol was making it a bit hard to concentrate, but also made Adam really easy to talk to.
“About what you like, you obviously like me kissing you.”
Kris got red. “Yeah, well you are a good kisser.”
“Have you been any farther?”
“Once.”
Did you like that?
“Yeah,…I think I did.”
“Want to again?”
Chris looked at Adam. He wasn’t teasing, and this time he could really enjoy it. They kissed again on the couch and Adam pulled him up for a dance. Sarah McLachlan came onto the music system. Angel played as Adam and Kris danced.

***

A naked, make-up smudged Chris smiled and looked at Adam from his perch on the bed. “Is that why you asked Friend3 about me? You liked me?”
“Well, yes, but I was prepared for you to be straight. I’m sorry but the way you were just acting. I highly doubt it.”
“How was I acting?”
“Those weren’t moans of pain or being uncomfortable, that’s for sure!”
They laughed together. It was so nice.

“So, anyone taken you to dinner in this persona yet?”
“No, I’ve only been out like this with one other person.”
“Was he cute?”
“Not as cute as you are.” he smiled up at Adam.
“Will you be seeing him again?”
Impossible, he was dead in his freezer. He should do something about that. He frowned and Adam saw it.
“Oh, he didn’t call back…”
“No. Told me I was an easy fuck right up front, guess I should have known.’
“Well, you kind of are. But I will be calling you back. In fact…” he went to kiss Chris again and they started making love for a second time.

That started a relationship, Friend3 was happy for them both. But neither he nor Adam told him about the cross-dressing. Adam wanted that to be between them, Chris needed it to be.

The first week went fine, saw each other a couple of times in the evening, always at Adam’s. Wednesday he called and wanted to take “Kris” to Michael’s on Friday. A very expensive restaurant. “Wear something nice.”

Kris hadn’t had a chance to wear the slightly more elegant dresses yet. He decided the plum one with the black heels. A darker lipstick and shadow, Kris looked good.

Adam wolf whistled when he picked her up. After Kris got in the car he said ”So you really like this?”
“Yes, are you kidding, It’s like two in one.” he laughed.

Dinner was splendid and afterward Adam wanted to go to Chris’s. Chris said “Can’t we just go to yours? It’s closer.”
“Why do you avoid taking me to your house? Is it messy or something?”
“No, just old memories I guess.”
“We should squash them, sometime.”
“Not tonight, O.K.?”
“O.K.“ and he reached for her hand.

When Kris came in he had to quickly change and wash off the makeup for work, this trying to have a relationship with someone who lived on daylight hours was tiring.

Her hit the chat when he got in. Kris had told them about Adam, most of them were thrilled for her. They all wanted to know how dinner went.
To be honest he had been so sidetracked with Adam he’d only been to chat once, but everyone seemed to understand.

He decided to message Sarah and Salem in private chat. He talked to them both for a couple of hours. He found out Sarah lived alone, had no animals, no close neighbors, and was didn’t go outside much. Could it be that easy? Yes. Yes it could.

Sarah: I hate the doctor!
Salem: I only go in when I have to.
Huluman: Yeah, they poke and prod you.
Ash: And they try and scare the shit out of you!
R.: I practically live there. L
Kris: What’s the worst doctor’s visit you’ve ever had?
Ash: D&C - ugh
Huluman: Broken arm, they twisted me all up, I was all of five, scary as shit.
Sarah: Why Kris?
Salem: Pregnancy. All of it.
Edi: I don’t have one. I guess that’s a good thing?
Kris: I have a…test.
Sarah: What kind?
Huluman: With needles?
Kris: Yes, blood test. I’m scared.
Edi: What do they think is wrong?
R. : Waiting for results is torturous.
Salem: Yes, yes they can be.
Iantric: But sometimes they are good, not all results are bad.
R. : Is it a deficiency test?
Kris: No, I got a letter in the mail. Someone from my past is…is…
Salem: Kris, we all have things in our past we are embarrassed about.
Egorm:: Don't you hate fucking some random bitch and the condom breaks, and then you have to go get tested for all the shit she might have had?
Edi: Little harsh don’t you think?
Egorm: Or is that just me?
Kris: Did you, have any, if, if you don’t mind?
Egorm: Nope!
Salem: That’s good, even safety measures can falter.
R.: At least the results don’t take as long as they used to.
Ash: Depends on the test, R.
R.: Come on, you know it’s an HIV test.
Salem: Kris, is it? You know we care. I’m sure several us have had a similar experience.
Salem: They test when you are pregnant. Just because.
Kris: Thank you Salem, it…is. I’m scared.
Iantric: It’s not your fault someone else was an idiot. Besides, he might have gotten it after his relations with you.
Kris: It was a few years ago. It’s also made me paranoid. It’s like the first question (relationship wise) I want to ask now. “Have you been tested?” Anyone else feel that way?
Edi: I don’t ask on the first date. But I have asked before.
Sarah: I always work it in somehow. But yeah, not first date.
Salem: I just make sure they know I am a safe sex advocate.
Iantric: I haven’t had to worry about it, yet.
R.: Think about it now Iantric. Seriously.

Private messages: Three of them -

Sarah: I remember my last one, it was scary; clean thankfully.

R.: I get tested regularly. Always clean. You get past the really scary part of it. Oh, the curls help, and your make-up is much better.

Ash: I haven’t always been safe either. The first test is hard, but thankfully, mine was negative.

Kris thought about R. He was close, in the same town even, and he was so secretive, and his little “reminder” that he knows. Yep. Something would have to be done about R.



The chat continued on that topic for while, they talked of how things had changed. Someone mentioned Ryan White, and Magic Johnson, and the movie Philadelphia. Kris didn’t know who or what any of that was. She’d have to do some research.

Chris was edgy and worried, he took over control of functions for awhile.

Kris said goodbye and signed out of the room, but messaged R. privately. He intended to keep the chat light. R. seemed mildly amused he was chatting, but distracted. They talked of music (which they some similar tastes in) and movies. The chat had been going about an hour when Kris just up and messaged with:

Kris: Can I call you sometime or something, we live so close , maybe hang out? Public place and all that…

R. must have been thinking about it, he didn’t answer right away.
When he did it was with:

R.: I’m going to 2012 with some friends at the north side Regent on Saturday. We could meet there?

Kris: I’d like that. But, what do you look like? So I can find you? (R.’s current avatar on the site was picture of a goat).

R.: This is me http://www.drownyourchildren.com/me

Chris clicked the link. An emo painted face with a labret and large dark eyes with a far away look greeted him. There was something menacing, piercing, yet vulnerable about it. Black hair and light skin. He saved and printed the picture. Chris thought he was beautiful. He didn’t want say that though. Instead he typed:
Kris: I love the look.
R.: That’s old, my hair isn’t black right now. It’s more blonde.
Kris: Still nice. What time?
R.: 7:10
Kris: Ok, well, I’ll be there. It’s been nice talking with you.
R. Later.

Chris signed off, he needed to evaluate.
Why was R. so willing to meet him? What did he plan to do anyway? How would he get him away from the friends?
And why the hell did he have a boner?
No, no, no. This would not be another Stevie.

Chris ran upstairs for a shower, but he couldn’t get the picture out of his head. R. was fucking sexy. But he was a BOY. Chris looked in the mirror. Right now he was still looked a girl. So confusing! He ripped off his outfit, and yelled “So fucking what!“ Fuck his mother, fuck those kids, and fuck his own damning self.
In the shower he did what any man would do with a raging hard-on. He encouraged it by fondling himself and thinking of that picture. He closed his eyes and moved his hand up and down on his throbbing fully engorged member. He uttered unintelligible sounds and he got closer to climax, and then keened as the orgasm overtook him. It was one of the best most fulfilling climaxes he’d ever had.
Kris spoke to him in his mind. “That was nice.”
Chris nodded and went down for bed.

He tossed and turned for an hour before he got back up.
He had to figure this out.

Had the need to be Kris done it?
No.
Had Stevie done it?
Maybe.
Had it always been there?
Yes.

YES. It had.


He went for a glass of water and to piss. In the bathroom mirror he looked at himself. Same old Chris on the outside. So changed on the inside. He liked it though. The Chris looking back at him was happier. Happier than even when Stevie had suggested they meet.

He got some ice cream, and turned on an early morning movie. He watched for about five minutes and changed the station.
But really wasn’t paying attention. He was thinking. Thinking of what to do about R. how dare he be so sexy, that made it harder. But that threat, mild as it was - “Unless you make me have to.”-right now it seemed like not that big of a problem. He tells, Kris goes to a new room and starts over. But later, later is what he was worried about. The future. After some people from chat “commit suicide“. That’s what he was worried about.

Two suicides in the same town was too close together. He’d have to do something else with R. He fell asleep in the chair rolling over scenarios in his mind.

He woke in the late afternoon with a crick in his neck and no idea what time it was. He walked into the kitchen to look at the clock (it was 4pm) and realized he’d left the ice cream bucket out. It had melted, but not made too much of a mess. It made him think of something. He went out to the freezer. Only the T.V dinners left in it.
He grabbed one of the Salisbury steak meals for breakfast. He ate it with a mug of blood.

He opened the freezer and moved the chicken to the sink to thaw. He went to work, the day was boring. He came home. He cooked the chicken. He changed clothes. She ate the chicken with a mug of blood. She chatted online. He went to sleep. He woke up. He got ready for work. He ate a Salisbury steak meal for breakfast with a mug of blood. He made a chicken sandwich for lunch. He put a steak in the fridge. He went to work. He snuck six blood bags, and some Methaqualone. The dresses came. Kris was excited. It was also payday. He went to the back and deposited his check, He came home. He changed clothes. She ate the steak with a mug of blood. She took a new picture. She chatted online. He went to bed.

He woke up Friday evening with a plan in motion. First he needed jeans or something to wear to the movies, and he wanted to try the pudding or jello in the balloons. The rice still didn’t look quite right. He dressed in the cotton print dress, and the blonde wig. He was getting quite good at dressing and make-up now. It was a skill he was constantly improving on. He went into the kitchen and this time filled the balloons with water from the tap first, he drank a mug of blood while boiling the water for the jello and thinking about his plans. They had really developed in the last week. The only way it wouldn’t work is if R. didn’t show up.
He thought about it while he ate a Salisbury steak meal for breakfast.
What if he had a dog? What if he had neighbors? What if he lived in apartments?
He thought about it while he poured the jello into the balloons.
What if he had a roommate? What if he ditched him in the theater?
He thought about it while he drove to the shelf-mart.
What if he attacked him? What if he couldn’t get him alone?
He thought about it while he looked at skinny jeans in the junior miss section.
What if he called him a tranny in front of everyone?
What if he was planning what Chris was?
He thought about it while he browsed tops.
What if he’d told real life friends about Kris? What if someone joined them?
He didn’t stop thinking about it until he went to try the jeans on.

What the hell did he do with his dick?

He’d been concentrating so much on what to do about R. he’d not thought to look that up. He knew about tucking, but how to actually do it? He took the jeans and shirt in the dressing room anyway. The jeans were too big, and the shirt too small. He donned the dress and went back out for different sizes. This time was much better. He half tucked mister happy, but you could tell, he’d have to fix it, but he could mess with that at home. He put the tight black jeans, and a purple top with a brightly coloured green, orange, and blue design on it in her cart. Kris had been bugging him “We need socks, and bangles!” She was having fun! She was going on a date! (kind of)
Kris looked at the sock selection, they had some in the neon green that would match the nail polish. She wanted have some fun! They went to jewelry. Kris saw a necklace an earrings set; silver with a bright green inlay. Perfect! She moved on to bracelets, a pack of green and black jelly ones caught her eye, she held them up with the earring set in the mirror. Great match! She put them in the cart, and went over to the pajamas. She picked out a silk purple long one with spaghetti straps and a slit up the side. They moved to shoes next. Some fun Skechers with white with black design. This store had more selection that the last one had. How did he not think about that? Because he’d been pre-occupied. He grabbed a roll of duct tape. He hadn’t seen any at the house, and didn’t want to make two trips. There was line. By the time they got out of the store, they were hungry!
Kris wanted to go back to “The Empire”, so after they finished at Shelf-mart, they did. Another latte, another sandwich. This time Kris flirted with the cashier. It went over well. She sat drinking her latte and eating. It felt very comfortable here. Safe. They needed safe.
Back at the house Kris pulled into the drive and unloaded. She didn’t know what to try on first. Chris stopped her, he wanted to check on the new balloons. He opened the fridge, they had set nicely. He took the upstairs and took off the purple dress, he took out the rice balloons and put the jello ones in. They were cold! He laughed, DUH! He’d just taken them out of the fridge, he took them out, took the bra off, put an undershirt on, then the bra and new jello boobs, then the new shirt over it. Still not quite right, they slopped over to each side. The tape , the medical tape! He’d forgotten all about it. He went and found it, took the shirt back off, and wrapped a long line of it around the bra, right where the nipples would have been. It pulled them in, he put the shirt on. Much better! He took his nylons off, and tried the jeans on again. He still had a bulge problem. He went down to the computer, after a few tries in google word search he found a very informative transgender forum. There were things you could buy, he didn’t have time for that, he needed a do it your self solution. Several posts suggested duct tape. He was glad he’d bought it. Some also suggested putting it up instead of in, he wasn’t sure about that one. Some detailed, some short, some from people who couldn’t spell. He decided he’d combine a couple. The medical tape, and wearing the pantyhose on the outside of his underwear. Yes, he was going to wear panty hose under the jeans.
He followed the directions for the medical tape one, or…tried to. It really wasn’t working very well. He finally decided to just push the balls up first, then his penis, and then tape. That worked. For now. He put un his underwear and the jeans. He walked around a bit, a little uncomfortable for sure, and it was pulling on his pubes. Maybe he’d just wear the dress. Kris got angry “Oh, no we aren’t! Shave.” Shave? That would fix the problem, and he really needed to shave his legs again. Kris started a bath, there was still some lavender bath shampoo of Mothers, she but that in the stream for a nice bubble bath. Shaving your legs in much easier sitting down. They came out much smoother than the last time, no nicks. Chris turned on the shower, and had a heck of a time shaving his balls. He used a gratuitous amount of shaving cream. The skin moved around, he cut himself one, twice, before he thought of stretching the skin a bit and then shaving that area. That actually worked, but it was tedious.
After the bath they put on their face and the outfit back together, it looked good. So good in fact, Mr. happy was pulling on the tape. Dammit. How they hell was he going to fix that problem? Just thinking about R’s picture did that, and they were going to see him tomorrow!
He went back to the forum, a post about using a maxi-pad caught his eye. Would his mother even have any? She’d gone through the change ages ago. He looked in the cupboard in the bathroom. There were some, probably ten years old, but he could try it!

He took off the tape, held his ball sack and member back and put the pad tight against it, then pulled his underwear and nylons back on. This actually worked better. It was more comfortable too.

Kris put the dresses on hangers and put on the neon socks and the new shoes. She painted her nails with the neon green paint. While they were drying she hummed “I Feel Fantastic“ by Jonathan Coulton. It was a good day.

Later that day in chat Kris was bubbly and excited. She giggled a lot and used smilies after almost every sentence.

A private message from R.
R.: Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t we?
Kris: I’m in a good mood. I can be, you know?
R.: Why?
Kris: I bought some new things, work is going well and…I see you tomorrow.
R.: I’m not that special. You may not like what you see.
Kris: We are still going, aren’t we?
R.: Yeah, but Brian isn’t coming.
Kris: I thought multiple friends were coming?
R: Well, it was him and Sam, but they decided to go somewhere else instead.
Kris: Well, we don’t have to go just for me…
R.: I still want to see it.
R.: Besides, I think we might have some other things to talk about in person.
Kris: Such as?
R.: That horrible dress, for one.
Kris: I bought some other stuff today.
R.: Good. What?
Kris: You’ll see. J

The rest of the chat was talking about animals. Kris left Margo as Margo. It’s not like any of them were going to come over. Edi, Sarah, and Salem all liked cats. Iantric and Huluman didn’t really have an opinion. R. hated them. Pais had always had them. Finally Edi also asked why Kris was in such a good mood. She told her “I just am.”. Apparently R. had not mentioned the movie. It was better that way. She closed chat and went upstairs. The chicken was still good, she made a chicken salad sandwich.

Chris went out to the Garage, he pulled the Salisbury Steak meals out of it, there was room in the small freezer now.
He pulled out the white purse, he put the bags, the IV port and the GHB in it, and set it in the bathroom.

Chris was going to have to be very careful. He put some music on, going through scenarios in his mind. He wasn’t really listening to the music, he was thinking about R.
What if he was too strong for him ? The Methaqualone was supposed to make him pliable, according to what he’d read. He figured he’d better plan on it not too though. He went and found Dad’s old survival knife and sharpened it. He added it to the purse.

He flipped on the television, cartoons, sitcoms, an old black and white movie, and something that looked interesting. From 1991, the guide said it was a psychological thriller, and he remembered hearing about it somewhere, sometime. It was riveting, this guy was insane, obsessed, he watched him closely. He might borrow some of his actions. R. was still weighing heavily on his mind.

After the movie, Chris went an got a glass of blood, he noticed he only had two bags left. The phone rang. It was work, his Heme was in. Oh, good! He had almost panicked, because if tomorrow didn’t work; then what?

A few last details, Chris put the finishing touches on his plan. He changed the license plates on the car for the old dead truck out back. He put gloves in the purse. He put a handkerchief in, and some red ribbon. He took some sleeping pills, he needed to be sharp tomorrow.

***

Chris woke at 5pm, it would only take about a half hour to get to the Regent, so he had plenty of time to get ready.

After along shower (this time even shaving his underarms) Chris put on some bright make-up, the freshly curled wig, the new jello boobs. While pulling the nylons onto smooth legs, tucked carefully, pulled on the new jeans. They really did accentuate his ass. Next the purple shirt, green socks, and the earrings and necklace set. It looked very nice and picked out the green in the purple shirt’s design.

Kris went into the bathroom to paint her nails green, she checked me make-up in the mirror while they were drying. This was going to be fun! She wondered if the movie would be any good.

After eating another chicken sandwich, with a large glass of blood, she brushed her teeth, put the make-up she used in her purse, and drove out to meet R.

Kris pulled into the parking lot at the Regent, not too may cars.
She checked the cell (7:00 pm) and scanned the crowd.

As she was looking footsteps came up behind her, a soft pleasant voice said “I like it.” She turned with a start, the same face from the computer greeted her. He was smaller and shorter than Chris had figured.
Good.
She said “What?”
He gestured to her clothing ”The outfit.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“Voice is decent, too.”
“Thanks?”
“Let’s go watch this.” He led Kris to the ticket booth. He bought two tickets. Kris said ”I thought this was Dutch treat?”
R. smiled a snide smile “You can buy the candy.”

They walked to the candy counter, a vapid eyed teenager took their order of popcorn, sodas, and licorice.

R. raised an eyebrow and asked:
“Licorice?”
“Yes. Always.”
“I like licorice.”

They walked into the theatre. Even in person R. was more of an observer than a communicator. He didn’t say anything until the preview, and then leaned over to Kris’s ear and said “ I wonder how many of these people are getting laid after the movie?”
Kris just giggled in response. R. continued with “You’ve been practicing.” Kris just smiled. Then got nervous and looked around the room, did it sound fake? R. said “That, right there. Work on that. You have to be more sure of your actions.”

Chris thought: Then why the call it out? R. was kind of…rude.
That was good. Easier to take down if we don’t like him.

Kris had a slight frown on her face. R said “Remember, I said we needed to talk about some things, after the movie. If you’re lucky, maybe well even fuck.”

The movie started and about ten minutes in Kris decided to try and hold R.‘s hand, he accepted it, but didn’t seem to have an opinion on whether he liked it or not.
Later on during the movie right after Kris was about half way through another piece of licorice, they heard some noise behind them. Kris, with her hand on the licorice still in her mouth, sneaked a peek, it was couple making out. She smiled coyly at R. and he said “I do like licorice.” leaned in and took the rest of the piece into his mouth and chewed, swallowed and started voraciously kissing her. They kissed for several minutes, and R. only stopped once to whisper “Jello, thought so.” after he “felt her up”.

Kris was enjoying this, but Chris was pissed. Must he be so sanctimonious? It got under his skin. He did it in chat too, but in person it was even more annoying.
They stopped and R. said “I actually do want to see this.”
They watched the rest of the movie in silence.

The credits began and R. looked at Kris and said “Club.”. Not in question form. Like the inevitable next step. Kris said ”House?” R. said “Club, practice.”
He was right (Chris was beginning to get tired of him ALWAYS being right). Kris had as yet only been to a chat room, and town. But bars were dark, and he could add the drug there.
“Whose car?”
“Mine.”
He had an awesome car. (blah blah blah, not important, might describe it later)
They drove.

The bouncer knew R. He let them right in. Kris said:
“You come here a lot?”
“No, ex.”

The club was busy, with rave music playing and strobe lights. They walked up to the bar and R. ordered a “Jack-n-Coke“, Kris honestly didn’t hear it, but just said “Old Fashioned” when the bartender asked. They moved to at bar table with their drinks.

R., while observing the dance floor, said “Haven’t been to this particular club in a while. Lots of new faces.”

“Why not?”
“Others I like better.”
“Then why come here?”
“For you, this one you won’t get mauled in.”
“Mauled?”
“Told you, you’re a trap. If I took you to one of the others they’d expect it, not here.”

A cutie with hair over his eye and a bright neon shirt came over.
“Hey R.; who is this?”
R.: ”Kris.”
Kris: ”Hello.”
Alex: “I’m Alex; want to dance?”
Kris looked at R, he did a slight head nod in Alex’s direction and said “Go.”

Kris grabbed Alex’s hand and the went out to dance. It was good thing Chris had used extra tape. Preparation, preparation.
A new song came on and R. came up from behind and cut in. Alex moved on to someone else. Kris was enjoying herself. But Chris kept telling her to keep her head together. No getting drunk, and no traces. After two songs Kris said she needed the restroom and walked to the back. R. nodded and moved on to another dancer. In the restroom, he slipped the small measured packet of powder between his index and second finger. He walked back towards the table. On the way back Chris surreptitiously looked around the bar, everyone was side tracked. He pretended to grab the wrong drink and start to drink, (pulling his two fingers over the top of the glass and adding the powder) realize it, and set it back down. The now empty packet made it into his drink, he grabbed it and drank a swallow the same way, two fingers over the top of the glass. He set it down and stirred it a bit. He was beginning to really sweat. It wasn’t just the club.

R. came back and took a long sip of his drink.
“Alex just asked me when I decided to date girls again. He buys it. Just thought I’d tell you. He’s one of the smartest straight guys I know.”
“So I pass?”
“Closer. You still haven‘t told me why you are trying.”
“You never asked.”
“Fair enough; why?”
“Secret.”
“Well, when you can tell me, I might be able to give you some more intrinsic help. Let’s dance again.“
R. finished his drink in a long swallow and took her onto the floor. It was a slow dance. He got incredibly close.
“You need perfume.” But the way he said it was much gentler than before, the drink was hitting him a bit perhaps. Chris nudged Kris.
She kissed R., he accepted it and kissed back, when Kris pulled out of it he was genuinely smiling. It was the first one of the night. Kris smiled back and said, “House?”
R. still smiling this time said “Yes.”
R. paid the tab, they got in the car and he smoked on the drive back to Kris’s car.


“Why are we here?”
“They’ll tow it, follow me to the house.”
“O.K.”


They drove three blocks away, and parked. Kris laughed. She got out of her car. And walked up to R.

“Why did you even drive?
“The club. Come on.”
He unlocked the door; it was a nice duplex.
Kris looked around, expensive stereo, big screen, office.
An abstract painting on the wall held her interest while R. found some music. He walked over took her is his arms and said:
“I hadn’t finished dancing yet.”
He pulled Kris in and started undressing them both, they moved towards the bed and R. said ”First time.” Again, not a question.

Chris was wondering when the drugs were going to kick in, Kris on the other hand, didn’t want them too.

R. said “Lucky for you I’m empathic.”

Mindless Self Indulgence was playing in the background.

R. danced Kris over to the bed, and whispered into her ear “Get undressed“ Kris looked at him slightly confused. But R. started undressing himself.
He said “I know I only had one drink, but I feel like I had four. Hurry up. I‘m horny.” Kris wasn’t sure he should, she still had trouble with some of it and she was all taped up. She started to walk to the bathroom. R. grabbed her arm. “Oh no you don’t! Come here. I want to see how you have it.”
She signed and pull off the shirt, then the jeans,
R. didn’t say anything just nodded and smiled as she did.
She went to pull off the underwear and R. said “Women’s work better.“ he didn’t laugh, he was just stating a fact.
She removed her nylons and the bra, and set them next to the bed.
R. still just nodding.
“Take off the wig too, sex will fuck it up.”
Kris took off the wig. Chris stood buck naked in front of R.
He said “When I’m right, I’m right. Now lie down.”

***


R. came hard, and sat back. He said ”Wow that was great, I’m feeling…good.” and he stayed back.
Kris was getting redressed, after she was she looked into his eyes, they were dilated, very.
When it kicked in, it kicked hard.

She asked him “Did you enjoy that?” he answered with a dreamy “Mm-hmmm…”
“Do you like me?”
“Yeah…yeah, I do.”

She picked up his hand “Can we try something?”

“Shhure” he slurred and he smiled and looked at her.
Kris smiled back and brought out some red ribbons, “Want to play?”
He giggled “Yeah…”
She put on some latex gloves and tied his right arm to the head board, and his left down to his side.
“I don’t…know this…game, and…I’ve been…around..”

Chris pulled out the IV port and the bags, R. looked at them, not really seeing them.
“What are…those?”
“Those are blood bags.”
“For…what?”
“To take your blood.”
“But…I need…that.”
He tried to get up but fell back.
“Yes, well I need it more.”
Kris reached in and kissed him to pacify him.
He kissed back and when Kris pulled out . R. smiled the giddy smile of a child.
Chris said “This might poke.”
“What mi….OW!” He looked at his arm where Chris had poked in the IV port. “Why’d you…do that?”
“I have to get it somehow.”
“Get what?”
“Your blood, remember.”
“But...I...need…that.”

O.K. that was going to get annoying.

R. tried to get up again. Chris said:
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“Why?”
R. stared at him blankly.
Kris asked
“What is your real name anyway?”
“No…no…only friends, close friendssssss”
“We aren’t friends?”
“No,…easy…fuck.” He grinned widely, had he been sober it might have ended up being pedantic, but it just looked like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland had invaded him.

Kris hooked the first bag up, the movement caused R. to look at his arm again.
“I…don’t…like this…game.” he tried to pull his right arm down to pull the bag off, having forgotten it was tied up.

Chris said “Now, now be a good boy.”
R. looked at him, seemingly confused why a male voice was coming out of him, but said ”Better…than…I…thought.”

Chris asked him some things.
“Who will miss you?”
“Miss…me?”
“If we take a trip?”
“Dad…Roe…, where‘re…we…going?”
“My house.”
“I...don’t…want…to.”
“Well, we are, I need you to write a note for me.”
Kris looked around for a pad and pen. Then she asked:
“Where would I find a paper and pen, hun?”
“Offissse.”
Kris walked and got it when she came back R. was still unsuccessfully sloppily trying to leave.
She pulled him in for a kiss, when he pulled out he untied R.’s right hand pilled it down on the pad, gave him a pen and said “I need you to write a note that you are going to my house” R. tried to start writing, but stopped and looked at Kris.

She said “Write:
”I’ve met a new friend, going to have some fuck fun at their house, I’ll have my cell.
Don’t call.

R.

“I think that sounds like you?”
“Yeah…it does….heh.”
She went to tie the right hand back up. R. tried to resist, but he wasn’t very successful. She tied the right hand back up.

By this time the first bag was full and Chris changed it.
R. said “I didn’t…sign up…to…donate blood.”
Chris said “Yes you did, when you threatened me.”
“I didn’t…mean it, can we…stop this game…now?

Kris leaned in for another kiss, she switched on the television.
“You stay put. I need the restroom.”

R. was fully distracted by the television.
She adjusted he boobs and wig in the restroom, and touched up her make-up. When she came out, R. was looking a bit peaked.
Kris came into is field of vision. He said:
“I’m cold.”
“I know.”
“I …don’t...like…this…game.”
“I do,”
“I only…gave one…last…time?”
“This is different.”
“How many….are you taking?”
“All of it.”
R. laughed with incredulity “Nu-uh, ….you can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can.”
Seeming to realize this was not a game, seeing the half-full bag of blood coming out his arm, he switched immediately to blubbering
“But…“ he sobbed “… that’ll…” it became a cry ”… kill me, ...I don’t want …to be dead!” He wailed.

“No one does, but if you don’t be quiet, I’ll have to gag you.”
R. bit his lip, trying to hold in the blubbering, he rocked back and fourth, trying to get off the bed, but the knots were fast, and even if he had escaped, with the amount of blood loss by now, he might not have been able to stand.

Kris changed the music to Lullaby by The Cure, it had the effect he wanted. R. stopped rocking, smiled the childlike smile up at Kris and said “I like…The Cure.”
“More than licorice?”
“Yeah.” he paused and said “I’m…cold.”
Kris came and sat next to him “Maybe I can warm you up.” and put another blanket on them both. The television had switched to an old cartoon, Scooby-Doo . R. voiced his opinion.
“I like…this, too.”
They watched for a bit.

The second bag filled and Kris got up to change it, which started R. blubbering again” I…I…I…” he sobbed“… don’t…“he sniffled“…want to…”another sob“…dieeeeee!” He went into full on despair.
Kris soothed him by stroking his hair and said. “I know, but we all do sometime.” She sat back down next to him and held him.
He cried in Kris’s arms.
She continued to stroke his hair, he got quieter.

She just held him like that for a while, she didn’t even realize she was rocking him until Chris pointed out the bag was almost full.

R. didn’t protest this time, he was passed out. Never to wake again.

***

Chris pulled the paper bag out form the purse and put the three filled bags in it. It was just past 3 in the morning. He looked out the apartment door, no one. He left the music going while he cleaned up. The ribbons left no marks on the bed, the poke had been fast and he’d had a handkerchief. No blood had gotten anywhere else. The sheets had their semen, but going by the looks of the apartment and the way R. talked, there would be so many on the sheets, it wouldn’t matter. The note was on the kitchen table, where he’d set it.

No one would even look for him for several days, but because he’d only taken from one arm, instead of both like Stevie, and had a much later start then Stevie, he’d have to finish draining him at home. He took the bag and purse out to the car, and then drove away. He waited 15 minutes, drove to the back of the duplex, opened the back door and carried R. out to the car, he put him in the passenger seat and drove home.

Once home he pulled into the garage. He couldn’t take him inside though. He locked the garage door, pulled out a new bag and hooked it back up to R.‘s arm.

He sat there, and looked at him. He looked like a sleeping child.
A sleeping child that could have destroyed him.
Not anymore.

He went in to make some coffee, this was going to be a long day.

She ran upstairs to change.

Chris came back down, poured a cup of coffee and went back out. The bag was full, he changed it.
He thought about the sex. R. had been very gentle, he was glad of that. He really had helped him out with the look too, shame he had to threaten him.
He walked over to R.’s comatose body and said to him.
”It really is too bad, I wouldn’t have minded doing that again.”
He kissed him.

The fourth bag was full, he switched it. R. was so pale now, he looked like a vampire in a black and white movie.

Chris went into the house and got the book he was reading, he read while the 6th bag filled. He was very aware of the last breath of air from R. It was right when Boromir said “One does not simply walk into Mordor.”

He pulled him out of the car and onto the slanted hood of the car, arm down off of it, with no heart to pump the blood, he would have to rely on gravity.

The 7th.

The 8th.

He had to pump his heart like he was giving CPR, even gravity no longer worked.

The 9th.

The 10th.

On the eleventh bag it stopped halfway, he turned him around on the car hood and pumped his heart again.

The 12th.

He waited until nothing was even dripping when he pumped. He actually figured it would have been done on the 11th, R. was shorter and smaller than he was. The 12th was about a fourth full. He closed the bag, pulled out the IV port and looked at the corpse, he looked so much older with no blood; like an 80 year old man, skin sagging.

He opened the freezer and put R. in it. He arranged his limbs and
told the body ”Sleep well, my prince.”

He closed the freezer and locked it.

He went to the house and started a fire, the gloves, IV port, handkerchief, ribbon, and the used tape. (He’d taken it off at R.’s , but knew better than to put in his garbage.)

He banked it and went down to sleep, forgetting to wash off the make-up.

***

AN: I'm having trouble getting him anywhere , this I am not all that happy with, but I thought if I posted it, I could get some ideas from you?

He threw the dress and bra and nylons in the washer. When he went to move them to the dryer he found out you can’t just throw nylons in the wash, they had several holes. He’d get more tomorrow.

In the evening when he woke, Chris got ready for his day as Kris. In the shower he tried to shave his legs. Because he never had it took several passes to go over them and actually remove the hair. Then again to actually get them smooth. He thought: Women do this every day?
He also almost fell over a couple of times. Holding one leg up while shaving the other took skill he did not have. He nicked both his ankles and they bled. The makeup only took one application, still a bit smudgy, but the blush was even this time, and the shadow. The bra felt better now that it was washed. The nylons went up much smoother than they had when he had hairy legs. Though he still hopped around the room a bit while adjusting the top of them. The top was not built for a man’s package, and they needed some adjustment.

He looked at the wig, maybe he could curl it? He knew you didn’t use a curling iron on a wig. Maybe his mother had some curlers? He looked in the cupboard under the sink, yep. Some pink foam things. It took him much longer than he thought to just put some in the bangs and the ends of the wig. Maybe he’d wear the black one today? It already had a style. He opened it and put it on. Stragglers again. He took it off, grabbed the ruined hose and cut them off to put on his head. He flattened his hair with it and put the wig back on. Not bad, but with black hair he’d need to color his eyebrows and put mascara on.

He shook the mascara bottle and started to apply it, watching the videos had helped. Short even strokes. They looked , um, well they didn’t look as bad as last time.

He laughed when he looked at himself, standing in the mirror in a bra and nylons , a made-up face. He put the rice balloons in the bra and adjusted it. He grabbed the dress and put in on, this time pulling it over his feet first. Getting the zipper up in back was difficult for him, tiny zipper pull and large fingers.

He looked in the mirror, he looked better than yesterday. He finished the look with the earrings . Then realized. No shoes!

He had some white tennis shoes, they’d have to do. He ran downstairs for the shoes and Margo meowed at him, she was very confused.

He decided that he’d test this look in the town an hour away. No one knew his car there. No one knew him.

***

He went to a little diner on the edge of town for breakfast. No one gawked when he walked in and sat down. So far, so good. She asked if he wanted coffee.
He ordered with the voice he’d been practicing all yesterday. “Yes, thank you.” The waitress didn’t start at the voice, or even seem to care. She poured his cup and handed him a menu.
Chris was so self conscious he held it up like he was reading it, but was looking around the diner. Wondering if anyone could see his nervousness. When she came back for his order he said, in the same practiced voice:
”Just something small, a pancake and some sausage; please.” and then “Where is the ladies room?”
She pointed to it and walked away to get his order started.

He rose from the booth and, again, no one seemed inclined to tell him he was heading to the wrong one. He almost forgot the purse! He’d looked through his mother things and had found a white one. It had all the make-up he’d used that day, and his wallet. Chris realized he’d need it when he was done dressing and had nowhere for it. He reached for the purse and walked on to the restroom.
On the way he overheard a small child say. “Mommy, why did that lady order breakfast ?” The (he supposed mother) answered. “Maybe she has a job at night, dear.”

This was going better than he thought. Now to just keep it going for the rest of the morning. To the store, to the gas station, and to eat lunch.

He went into the bathroom and checked his “face” in the mirror. He hadn’t wiped it off yet, although he was so nervous he was really sweating under the wig. He locked the door (it was a small diner) and had to pull up the dress and the hose down to pee. It was really annoying! And them pulling them back up, without snagging them. He did it, but he was sure he was in the restroom far longer than he should have been.
He came out and walked lightly (because he’d been practicing that too) back to his booth. The waitress brought his order. He put his napkin in his lap and tried to eat daintily. He was concentrating so hard on looking like a woman just having a normal breakfast in a diner, he didn’t even hear the first “Miss?” The man repeated it “Miss?”
Chris started a bit. Oh yes, he was the miss!
He turned to the voice while saying (also in the practiced voice) “Yes?”
“Is this yours?” he held out a small red clutch.
“No, sorry.”
“Oh, well we thought we’d ask.” he indicated himself and his son.
They walked away, and Chris was feeling really confident as Kris now.

He finished his meal and went up to the front to pay, attempting to sway his hips on the way. He hoped it didn’t look too forced.

On the way to the car he got a wolf whistle. In this dress? Maybe he looked better than he thought. Or the workers were making fun of him. He wasn’t sure. Either way it took him a second to even realized it indeed was to him. This was easier than he’d imagined. People really do judge a book by it’s cover, don’t they.

He drove to another shelf-mart. On the way in, the greeter said “Cart, miss?”
This time a confident Kris said “Yes, please.”
He went back to the ladies section, he didn’t feel nearly as self conscious this time, the knee highs were much easier to select. No sizes, just colours. He bought two packages of ‘nude’. He also bought four packages of regular hose. He hoped he could get at least one pair of these on without running them.

He also checked the shoes, this shelf mart had one pair of twelves. Some white sling backs, he tried them on and, forgetting completely about the dress, he had his legs open. An older woman walked by and said. “Dear, where is your slip?” he closed his legs. Embarrassed, and hoping she hadn’t seen up enough to know he wasn’t actually a girl, he turned red and said:

“I was in a bit of a hurry this morning.”

“Well, then, you should be mindful ,” she looked at his feet “those shoes do look nice though. Such large feet. You poor thing, it must be difficult to find things.”

As Chris took off the shoes and put them in the cart. He said, as Kris:

“Yes, yes in can be. I had a pair I loved with this dress, and they broke today. I usually order on the internet, but they take awhile to get here. I was already dressed when they broke.”

He hoped this was believable, thinking on his feet, as Kris, was hard!
The woman answered him “I’m sure, and dear…” She paused to look at him, and leaned in for apparent girl to girl secrecy.
“Yes?”
“Your make-up is smudged.”

He attempted a giggle, and leaned in to her in the ‘secret’ mode “Well, I am just having a day, aren’t I? Thank you. I’ll go fix it!”

He walked towards the rest room, that sentence had gotten him out of a potentially embarrassing situation, and given him even more confidence. He looked in the mirror, the one eye was smudged, he must have rubbed it inadvertently while trying on the shoes. He reapplied the shadow, and decided he’d skip the fiasco of peeing here. He’d just gone at the diner anyway.


He also thought. Slip? That was just taking it too far. Or was it? He went over to the lingerie again. They did have some slips. The sizes on these were slightly easier. Small, Medium, and Large. With lengths. He held on up to the skirt of the dress as a sales woman came over.
Need some help?”
“Well, yes, My dryer ate my slip, and I don’t remember how long it was…“

He thought: Good one Kris, first your shoes break, and now the dryer ate your slip? Get it together!

Chris looked at her nametag, it said Agnes.

Kris said: “What do you think Agnes?”
“I’d go with a medium length beige, that way you can have it for more than one dress, considering you aren’t wearing one now. I’m assuming you only had the one.”

He thought: How does she know I’m not wearing a slip?

He tried the confidence thing with her, leaning in and almost whispering “Is it that obvious?”
She smiled and whispered back :
“Your dress is going in between your legs when you walk. So, yes.”
Oh, that’s how, whew. He was getting worried. Maybe he’d buy two.
Kris said:
“Maybe I should splurge and buy two, so I don’t have this happen again?”
“I think that’s a lovely idea.”

He grabbed the one he had, and another shorter one. The blue dress he’d ordered was much shorter than what he was wearing.

He walked to the checkout and bought everything. He made it to the car. Unlocked it and put the purchases in the trunk. Opened the door, got in, started it, put it in reverse…then noticed himself in the mirror. And had an anxiety attack.

What was he doing?
That was really easy, and he was starting to like being Kris.
No.
No.
No, he wasn’t.
Kris looked back in the mirror, who was this? Where did he even get this idea?
Kris said to him, in his mind.
“I have always been here.”
What the fuck! Voices in his head?
His minds voice said:
“Oh, no you haven’t”
“Yes, I have, think.”
His mind took him back, back to when he was very young.
Voices, all women’s voices, saying what cute baby, then later, when grandma (Dad’s Mom) had let her sleep with him, holding her silk pajamas in his hand to fall asleep, and her even letting him wear them.
Around ten, playing at Craig’s. Craig was allowed to be in his mothers room, and they were playing with her make-up, they had painted each other like clowns. It was fun, Craig told him he looked pretty, and teased him. He told him he did too. They giggled. A ten year old painted Kris turned form the mirror memory in his mind told him.

“See, I was here then. And I am here now.”

His mother hadn’t let him go to Craig’s after that, he remembered.

He slipped out of the memory and back to being in the car. The Kris voice gone. He looked at the image in the mirror. Kris was very pretty. And…he was Kris.

The planning, the detail, for some reason applying it, hadn’t occurred to him, to BE Kris, to fully embody her state of being, not just acting like a girl, but BEING Kris. How had he missed this crucial step?
Because he was worried it’d make him gay? That was his mother talking. Stevie had taught him a lot about how wrong his mother was. Oh, Stevie. He missed chatting with him. Why had he done that?
Because Chris finishes what he starts. Chris always finishes.

And then he did something he hadn’t done since that day. He cried, cried for the mistakes he’d made with him, cried because he missed him. And he could, because he was Kris, and Kris can cry in the middle of a shelf-mart parking lot at nine o’clock in the evening, and no one even notices.

***
“What was sundered and undone, shall be whole , the two made one”


A puffy eyed Kris got out of the car, dug through the trunk and fund the slip; tore off the tags, looked around, and pulled it up under the dress. She then and walked back into the shelf-mart to reapply her face. The greeter didn’t offer her a cart, just pointed her to the bathroom with a look of sympathy. In the bathroom Kris washed her face with the cold cream , for she’d brought that too. A woman is always prepared. She’d need more.

Several other ladies came in and out of the bathroom while she did her make-up, none of them commented.

She walked out of the bathroom, and went looking for the cold cream, and while reading the bottle noticed she still had dull red fingernails. She went to cosmetics, and picked out a run festive red, an electric blue, a plum purple, and - just for fun- a neon green.

Kris’s cell phone rang, and (because she couldn’t very well answer Chris‘s phone) she dug through her purse and turned it off.

When Kris got back to the car, her looked at the phone, Marcy from work, a package had come for Chris.

She’d get it later. She stopped off for gas, and almost paid with Chris’s credit card, but then remembered and walked over to the booth to pre-pay with cash.

Kris decided to go and eat, she drove down the street, not really looking for anything particular. The was an independent coffee shop , “The Empire” it looked to have comfy chairs. When she walked in she noticed they had a checklist system, you ma you want on the paper, pay, and then they call your name when it is ready, there were three people in line ahead of her, so while she waited she surveyed the rest of the shop. It also had free wi-fi and advertisements for open mic nights. When it was her turn she ordered a non-fat mocha single shot latte, and marked down a ham and gouda cheese, on a croissant, with ranch dressing. The clerk asked her for a name “kris, with a “k” she said, and went to sit down.

A song finished and a new one started on the stereo it had a melancholy feeling , and Kris listened to the lyrics…

No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said “I will keep my focus, till the end.”

And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?

As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.

Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.

The song made her think, and Chris was crying somewhere in the back of her mind. When her order was ready, she went up and asked the song name and title.
“It’s ‘Searching For a Former Clarity’ by ‘Against Me!’, isn’t it great? You should really check them out if you haven‘t.”

Kris said “I will, thanks.”

She walked back to her table and sat down. Other songs played, but Kris didn’t hear them. Chris’s crying was loud, and then when it turned to anger, it was even more distracting. She was concentrating on remembering who she was, where she was, and how to eat like a lady. The sandwich was excellent. She’d have to remember this place.

When they got out to the car Chris said “That song bothered me.”
Kris replied in a soothing tone “I know, but I’m here now. Everything will be alright.”

Kris drove home got onto the computer, and went into friends chat. She chatted for hours. With Sarah, Salem, Edi, Ash, R., Huluman, and Iantric. She asked them questions, and even flirted a little. Salem, Sarah and R. she talked with privately. R. was evasive and judgmental as usual. They might have to do something about him.
But not tonight. Tonight was just making an appearance, building confidence.

Everything really would be alright. Chris would see. They’d be alright.

A song came to her head, and she hummed it, not realizing she‘d heard it in the coffee shop. She’d have to go back there.

Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,

She went to look for it. ‘Three Little Birds’ by Bob Marley came up. She played it.
Chris was soothed. They realized they were tired.

Kris went upstairs and undressed in Mothers room. She put her wig on the mirror , her dress on a hanger, the nylons in the garbage. (for they had run earlier), the bra and slip on the bed. She went to the bathroom for a bath. She sat in the bath, just soaking and thinking for a while. This had been an eventful day. She played it over in her mind while shaving her legs again (we need to practice, said Chris). Once out of the bath she went into Mothers room and pulled out a flannel night gown, and donned it.

***

Chris went downstairs in the soft flannel gown and got a glass of blood before bed. It had been a very strange day, a strange day indeed. He felt more connected than he ever had, and was sure this would work. He also felt alive, and aroused?

He put some music on, and let it take him to another plane. He reached under the gown to pleasure himself. Having climaxed, he fell asleep to the sounds of 65daysofstatic, having been turned onto them by Robert a few months ago.

Chris woke to his alarm and the realization that another work week was starting. At the end of his shift the nurse handed him his package. The shoes had come. Kris smiled in his head.

He realized when he got home that he hadn’t unloaded anything from the store the other day. He brought the shelf-mart purchases and the new black heels into the house.

Kris urged him to change, and so they did. Back on the computer, complete with a freshly painted face, dress, and the curled blonde wig, Kris went to ‘Just a friendly chat‘.

The chat was talking about going to the doctor, convenient.